Panic Mode

Ok, I'm not gonna lie... I'm starting to hit Panic Mode.

I've spent all morning going one website at a time: GI Jobs 2011 Top 100 Military Friendly Companies.
I am on the second page, and I've applied at 3 different places. I look though their job postings, and if I find something that I think I can qualify for, I go ahead and apply.

(sn. This process takes forever because each application is PAGES long. The last one was 7 pages!)

I'm a little bummed, because I'm really hoping to find something in the field that I was in while in the military.

I'm so sick of sitting behind a desk! But, apparently, I'm going to spend the rest of my life as an Administrative Assistant, doing Customer Service stuff.

Not what I want to do, but whatever... Super.

I'm upset because I haven't received even one response, inquiring more information, or even faking interest in the three weeks since I've started applying.

I have had several friends give me feedback on my resumes, and I have shortened and reworded them to be more suitable... I think...

Whatever.

Does it really matter?
I keep wasting  my time, filling out applications...
I'm trying to find something in or near Jacksonville, that pays at least close to what I was making before.
I can't afford to be flexible on that because I have to be able to pay child support and be able to support myself.

It's not looking good, so I'm really starting to worry.

I'm not writing this to have 10 people tell me "Oh, you'll find something." or "Don't worry, everything works out."
I'm past that.
I've been telling myself that for a couple of weeks.

It's  NOT. 
It DOESN'T.

I am running out of money, and even if I find a job, I have no idea how on earth I'll be able to GET to Florida, much less support myself until I start getting paid.

I'm frustrated.
I'm scared.
I'm sad...
...and I'm venting. 

I can't use my education, either, because UMUC is holding it hostage....
OF COURSE THEY ARE, THIS IS MY LIFE... WHY WOULDN'T THEY???

Seriously. If it can go wrong, it will.

Some days you just want to quit trying.
You want to stop trying to put up a strong front.
You want to just give in to all of the outside forces and let the walls come crashing down.

I feel like I've been holding up one wall at a time forever, and when I hold one up, another falls.

• I am diagnosed with cancer... my marriage fails.
• I leave Florida in the hopes of being able to support myself... I lose my kids to my ex.
• I get my child support crap fixed... and I lose my job.
• I feel positive about finding a new job near Carley... and find out that I can't use any of my education on my resume because the stupid school is holding my transcripts hostage. 

Seriously?

I really want to just say F@!$ IT and throw in the towel because this S&#% is really starting to P*!$ me off!!

Oh, did I mention that I can't zip the back window into my jeep, and winter is coming. I need new tires... AGAIN. And Rita is making a couple of funny noises that I'm pretty sure won't just stay "funny noises" forever.

Ok, I believe I'm finished for now. If I still smoked, I'd go have one right about now. Maybe a beer....

One Down, Four to Go

So, I called Michael's yesterday and quit my job.
I felt bad for not giving them a notice, since they had me scheduled to work 7 out of the next 8 days and will need to find someone to fill in for me...
Wait... my PART TIME JOB had me scheduled to work 7 out of the next 8 days? WTF? Maybe I don't feel so bad after all.
I rarely saw my boyfriend.
I saw Ashleigh even less because she was sleeping when I got up in the morning, and she was usually working when I got home at night. Then, I would be asleep by the time she got there. Most of my news about my own daughter was told to me by other people in the house. Well, at least I know she's still alive...

All in all, though, Michael's really wasn't a bad job. I liked most of the people that I worked with. I'll really miss my discount, though! Chuck and I were talking about all the free time I was going to have, and we decided that we needed hobbies so we wouldn't drive eachother nuts. Damn, can I get my job back so I can get my discount on craft stuff?? lol. Guess I'll just use one of the friends/family coupons and stock up! lol.

Today is payday. I am super excited to announce that Chuck and I are paying off the first of five large bills today. I wish I could just put out a huge list and take a gigantic red marker and put a great big, fat line through "Bank of America Loan." Regardless... it's done. I'm so happy!! This has turned into a pretty good week.

I also realized that when I told everyone about the hearing, I didn't tell you about my visit with Carley. It was WAY too short, of course, but it is always good to see my little girl. Well, I don't know about "little" so much. She's getting tall!! It makes me sad to see how much she has changed in between my visits. But, she's funny, smart, and beautiful. I couldn't be more proud to call her my daughter. I can't wait to see her again. I did snap this picture during our visit, though (we were doing Mad Libs).

I guess that's about it. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!! I might start a hobby, since I'm free for two whole days!

Here We Go!

Well, to start off, I feel like a zombie. I drove 7 hours south, stayed in a hotel, got hit on by some guy working @ Starbucks, went to the hearing, hung with Carley for a couple of hours, then drove 7 more hours home. It was 12:30 by the time I got home last night.

What happened to the days when we would go out drinking on a Tuesday night, get home around 3am, and go into work the next day without even feeling tired??? This whole "getting old" thing is for the birds.

Anyhoo, I know you all want me to stop babbling and tell you how the hearing went.
I'll get to that.

First, though, I need to establish something. I'm tired... that means that whatever I write may or may not make sense. Seriously. It's taking forever to even type this much because my brain doesn't seem to be sending the proper signals to my fingers. Grrr...

So, here we go:

First, we were able to work out the kinks of what I actually owed in back child support. The State finally recognized what had been paid. I will not claim that I am perfect. I was extremely broke after the divorce, and so I freely admit that I had missed a few months, and didn't pay the whole amount for some months. I have no problem admitting that I owed something. My problem was that they claimed I owed a LOT more that what I actually did. So, we came to a number that Tim and I could both agree on.

Next, they looked at my financials and his, and the Judge crunched some numbers...
DRUMROLL, PLEASE...
My support is reduced by $180/month.

It isn't what I wanted, but let me explain further. My lawyer had come up with a lower number, using what is called the "20% rule." For those that are unfamiliar, the 20% rule says that if I have Carley at least 20% of the year, then my child support is drastically reduced. Well, last year, I did have Carley that much. Unfortunately, my ex was less than cooperative about summer vacation this year.

(If you ask him, he'll claim that he cooperated freely.)

Here is what happened... I asked if I could have Carley all summer, with the exception of the 2 weeks she always spends with his Mom in Tennessee. I have absolutely no issue with making sure his Mom gets Carley during the summer, even though he has NEVER made an attempt to help Carley see or even talk to anyone in my family. So, he responds with "Yes, you can have her all summer... Except for this date, and this date, and this date, and this date. She has to be in Florida during those times."

I had no idea why she had to be in Florida for those dates, but I obviously didn't have the money to drive back and forth to Florida countless times, especially if he refuses to meet me even part of the way. So, my only option was to choose the longest time period that he gave me, which was 10 days. I was told that she HAD to be back to Florida by July 31st because they were going to go on a "family vacation."

Carley told me all about the cruise they were all going to take. So, I made sure she was home on the date told to me. Turns out that they never did go on that "Family Vacation" and I was never called and told that I could keep her longer. They just allowed me to bring her back on the agreed date. So, she sat at home for the next three weeks, waiting for school to start, when she could've been up here with me for those three weeks.

So, because I did not get Carley for enough days this past year, the 20% rule does not apply to me, thus the higher child support amount.

They did remove Ashleigh, but only pro-rated her back to February of this year. When she graduated high school, I contacted the State of Florida and asked them what paperwork I had to file and whom I needed to file it with.

Maybe I seem stupid to a lot of people, but I have literally NEVER had to deal with the legal system. The worst thing that I've ever had happen is that I got a speeding ticket once. So, I am completely lost/clueless when it comes to filing official documents, especially from an entire state away. If you walk in somewhere and say, "I need to file this," they will look at it and tell you where you should actually be. When it gets mailed to the wrong department (same building), it just sits in someone's box for months.

So, I attempted to file the documents regarding Ashleigh graduating way back in August. But, they weren't filed correctly until February.

One final thought. Tim did try to throw me under the bus by bringing up my part-time job. The judge asked me, and I explained that I had gotten it in order to pay the lawyer. I told her how much money I made, and that the State of Florida is aware of it, because they've been taking money from those checks as well to send to Tim. She told me that I needed to quit the job, or they would consider that as part of my income and I would have to pay more. So, I will be quitting my Michael's job as of today. I hate not giving a 2-week notice, but I am not about to give him the opportunity to increase my support.

I guess things didn't go as well as I'd hoped, but I am still happy. The fact that they never aknowledged the support that had been paid really bothered me. So, that's a weight that's been lifted.

Plus, with the extra $180/month, I can set that aside and actually SEE CARLEY MORE OFTEN!!

That right there made all of this worth my time.

Road Trip!

As many of you have heard by now, I talked to my lawyer yesterday. We are scheduled to have a hearing to adjust my child support payment tomorrow. My lawyer was full of positive news, and I am very much looking forward to having all of this past me. I would love to share everything that she told me, but I don't want to jiinx anything. So, until everything is settled, you'll just have to live with "it's looking good."

Meanwhile, I am working today (at lunch right now) and will be driving to Jacksonville after work. It's usually about a 6-7 hour trip, but since I'll be attempting Atlanta during afternoon rush hour (dumb, dumb, dumb), there's no telling how long it will take. I am going to try to take 285 around Atlanta, instead of 75 through it, though. We'll see if that makes any difference at all.

The last time I tried some smarty-pants move like that, I got stuck for several hours behind a wreck, on the road outside of Macon... Middle of summer, jeep almost out of gas, with Ashleigh. We kept having to turn the jeep off so we wouldn't get stranded (neither of us wanted to walk for gas), and so we couldn't use the a/c. Totally miserable.

Anyhoo, I am making the trip alone tonight. There are good and bad aspects of Brenda making a road trip all by herself. It's good that I get to think things through and have a plan of action... for the rest of my life, apparently, since it'll take at least 7 hrs to get there and the same to get back on Wednesday night. On the negative side, I'll be able to make myself a plan of action... for the rest of my life, only to change my mind the next time I have a spare minute to reconsider.

Seriously, how am I still sane? Does anyone else do this to themselves? Sometimes I feel like I'm teetering on the edge.

I have two sides of myself. When I am worried about something, I do tend to become more quiet and introverted, because I'm replaying the entire thing through my head... I have this uncanny ability to view something from every possible angle. I've often believed that this is exactly why I've been fortunate enough to never break a bone (Knock on wood!!). I have the abilitiy to see all the things that could happen, and if breaking a bone is a possible scenario (I weigh the risks), then I won't do it. I should work for an insurance company... I could TOTALLY be one of those risk-assessment people.

The other side of myself doesn't want to be left alone when I'm stressed BECAUSE I know that I will play and replay the thing over and over and over again in my head. It's not pretty. I have been known to freak myself out, because my mind always automatically assumes the worst possible scenario.

So...
This is where I'm at right now. I am looking forward to having this hearing out of the way. I am super-excited to see Carley tomorrow, even if it is just for a little while. I don't even mind all the driving. I am not so excited to have the time to let my mind replay every possible outcome of this hearing. I know that one day I will drive myself (no pun intended) crazy with all of this over-analyzing.

Since I don't have anyone to ride in the car with me, I am certain that several of you will be receiving phone calls at some point tonight. All I ask is that you listen for a few minutes, talk me off my ledge, and then distract me with something interesting that is happening in your life.

Every now and then, my mind just needs to be put back into neutral.
It needs to consider other people outside of its thick, bone-headed coating.
A time-out, so to speak.

I just know that if I am not distracted, I will worry myself sick. Then, I won't be able to eat tomorrow, because of nerves. Then, when we get to the hearing, I'll be all nervous and hungary... low blood sugar... can't think straight... pass out....

See? Do you see what my brain can do? Seriously. I'm a mess.

I will post a blog once this is all over with, and share the outcome.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone that has listened to me complain about "poor me" and my situation over the past few years. I am finally getting close to the light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to get past this hurdle.

Anyhoo... expect phone calls. You know who you are. :o)

Pass the Word

Lately, I’ve had a few people utter the words “your blog has inspired me”

and it shocks me every single time!

I started writing down my thoughts to get things out of my head.

If you know me, you know that I dwell (aka “Stress”) on things for days, and even weeks.

I think, re-think, and then re-think my re-thunk-thoughts…

…and then talk to people about it,

…and then do the whole process all over again.

I’m a Libra.

There is a reason the scales are our symbol.

I’ve tried several times during my life to write in journals, in order to sort out what is in my head.

The problem with me, however, is that I need feedback.

Thus, a blog.

So, I was talking to a friend today, and he very recently signed divorce papers, and is in the beginning of what I went through nearly four years ago. I remember talking to him a day or two before him signing the papers, about how divorce is a very painful process, and even if you know it is the right thing, and you know that it is going to be better for everyone involved to just get it over with, you also know that there was something about that person that you loved at one time. Sometimes it’s hard to remember what that thing is, but it was there once.

Divorce is like death.

That one little thing that you loved about that person is what you remember late at night, when you’re all alone, crying over the death of your marriage. That is when you briefly forget all the pain that they caused you, and forgive, if only for a moment.

You can’t force someone to love you. God knows I’ve tried. I know a lot of people that have tried. But, you can only love as much as possible and then leave when it gets to be too much.

So, this friend was on my mind and I decided to see how he was holding up.

I sent him a message, and he told me that he has a lot to figure out right now. He also told me, “I don't know that I'm in the greatest place right now but I'm really good at pretending I am.”

I don’t have answers for my friend. Things do get better with time. Until then, my suggestion to him is, “Continue pretending that everything is ok, and one day, you will look around and realize that you’re not pretending anymore!”

My friend did also mention that reading my blog has helped him. He told me that it is reassuring to know that he isn’t the only person going through these things. GASP! You mean there are more of us?

That leads me to my final thought.

I can’t be the only one. The State of Florida is helping my ex husband screw me over at every turn that I make. They just start garnishing my wages. When I got a second job to help relieve some of the burden, they began garnishing those wages as well. Seriously?

Apparently, when you are not the custodial parent in Florida, you are considered guilty without a trial, and then get to spend the next 2 (plus) years and thousands in lawyer & court costs to finally prove that you are not.

I have been wracking my brain, trying to figure out a way to help myself and other people in my situation.

One person suggested that I write to the local congressman. I think that would be a great idea, if I lived in that area, and he cared about my opinion. But, since I don’t, and I didn’t vote for him, I doubt he will give me a second thought.

It was also suggested that I write a newspaper article and send it to the Jacksonville newspaper. I think that would definitely get someone’s attention… but I don’t know anything about writing a newspaper article. Blogging is something completely different. Blogging is just me putting my thoughts on the computer.

Writing an article should NOT be about me whining about “poor me” to the press. It needs to be more professional than that, and I’m not sure I’m up to it.

So, I have recruited the help of one person to write something, but I am always open to suggestions.

Finally, I wanted to ask that anyone that reads this and has a blog… please add a link to my page!

If any of my other readers know anyone that might be interested in reading my story,

please e-mail,

tweet,

text message,

or put a link on their facebook of my blog.

http://workingrl1975.blogspot.com

I would love to have more readers. I think it is bound to get someone’s attention, if enough people know what is going on.

The State of Florida has actually told me that it isn’t their problem because they don’t work for me. They work for the "custodial parent.”

HELLO! They are supposed to be working for my child! Taking all of my money so that I can’t even drive out to see my child is not helping her at all!

So, I figure that if I have a lot of readers, someone, somewhere, may be able to offer advice on what to do, or who I can turn to. Thanks in advance for everyone’s help!!

Three Days Left

Well, we're slowly getting everything packed and moved out. We got rid of a lot of stuff when we had the yard sale, and now we're just separating things into three categories: Storage Unit, Monica's (with us) and Goodwill.

Our current plan of action is to stay with Chuck's family for a few months until a few things are straightened out:

First, we will have the child support hearing and hopefully get all of that mess fixed.
Second, we expect to have the Bank of America loan settled by September 23rd.
Then, after those things, we are planning to just pile money onto the other bills that we have.

Chuck wants to keep this up for a whole year, but I am against taking advantage of his sister and brother-in-law's hospitality for that long. My original plane was to camp out for a lot of the time, so we're not taking up space in someone's home. But, things do get changed. My other problem is that I have a jeep that gets about 15 miles per gallon, and I drive an hour to work when we live out there! I might as well be paying rent somewhere, because I'm looking at $100+/week in gas alone!

But, my goal is to just make it to my birthday. I would like us to at least start looking for a place by the beginning of October. I really would like to be rent-free for a year, but we don't have a really good place to stay for that long. As wonderful as Chuck's family is, their home really is not large enough for Chuck & I, plus Ashleigh, and my Dog... and Carley when she comes for visits.

But, again, I need to step into the one-day-at-a-time mode in order to get through this. At least we're getting things paid off so that by the time we do get a place again, hopefully it won't be so bad. Maybe we could actually afford to enjoy life again! :o)

So, otherwise, Ashleigh's friend is taking my cat. I'm very sad that she has to go. I feel guilty for getting rid of her, but hopefully, she will be happy in this new place. We shall see. If nothing else, maybe I can get her back after we have our own place again.

I guess that's about it for now. I have to work at Michael's on Thursday, so we're actually planning to be out of the house on Wednesday. We are packing up the computer, but I will still have my computer at work. I just won't be on here much at night, or on the weekends. Take care for now!

New Shoes

Yay for new Tennis Shoes! I needed a black pair of shoes for my 2nd job, and since we're not having to pay rent, we were able to get me a pair, Chuck a pair, and Carley a pair for school!! Plus, we ate out at IHOP last night. It's nice to be able to relax and actually just enjoy eachother's company without constantly worring. Before, I would have stressed myself out about how to afford a new pair of shoes just for me! It's not like we're rich all of a sudden, but it sure does feel like we are!

So, we got the Jeep fixed... there was a problem with the clutch. Then, we got insurance on Chuck's car that has been sitting in our driveway taking up space for months. Once it was insured, he went to the tag office and got the plate and registration, then had it towed to the mechanic's. YAY! I'm so excited!! The mechanic is on vacation for a week, but that's ok. I'm a lot closer to getting my jeep back than I was on Monday!

So, I head into Michael's this afternoon for day-2 of my new job. It will make for a long day, since I'm at my regular job from 7:30 until 5:00, then Michael's from 5:30 until 9:30, but I'll be fine. I'm looking forward to meeting new people and learning new things. I love that store, and so far, I like everyone that I've met.

Then, tomorrow morning, I've got to finish Carley's laundry, and start getting her packed before going into Michael's for a few hours in the afternoon. Saturday night, we'll probably do something nice, since it's Carley's last day here before she goes home on Sunday. The past 2 weeks have flown by, and I've really loved having her here. With Carley around, I've noticed that Ash has been around a lot more lately, too! It's nice to see both of my girls more. I am so proud of them. They are beautiful, smart, and funny! Both of them can crack me up, because they're witty. They get that from their Dad.

Even though their Dad and I don't see eye-to-eye anymore, it's still nice to spend time with the girls and see in them the things that I once loved so much in him.

Anyhoo, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I'm sure that once Carley has gone back to Florida, I'll be on here a little more often. Lately, I've been terrible about posting! I've got some catching up to do.

Yard Sale

Well, over the weekend, we started going through the things in our house, making categories: Yard Sale, Give Away, Storage.

Some went to Chuck's parent's new apartment, since they just moved into a place, and didn't have anything here in Georgia. All of their furniture is in New York, and they usually stay with Monica (Chuck's sister) whenever they were down here. So, it felt good to be able to help them out with some things. Even when we don't have much, we are still able to give anything that we can.

We are planning on having a yard sale this weekend, in Cumming, GA. If anyone is around, let me know. I'll send you the address to come out and buy our stuff!! Haha!

Finally, there are some important things that Chuck and I do not want to part with... I have an antique bed and dresser set, photo albums, his computer, stereo, and so on. We will be putting those items into a storage unit, rather than get rid of them.

The more items we get rid of, the more I can feel the weight lifting! The closer we get to the "moving out" date, the better I feel. It will be so much less stress to NOT have to worry about the rent, water and electric bill, the phone and Internet bill, and so on. We will be able to pay off a lot of this debt, and even put some money aside to save (gasp!) for when we do decide to get a place again. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to get some furniture that matches... and PAY CASH for it, instead of on credit?! I know this is not going to make us rich, but it will move us into the right direction.

I was once a stable adult with excellent credit. I intend to be again.

I want to own a home again some day. I want to be able to take a vacation, and still feel confident that the bills will get paid. I want to know that there is money in the bank in case of emergencies. I want some stability in my life. I miss that. I will NOT miss the stress that this has all brought. I can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is a beautiful sight, that I haven't been able to see it in a very long time.

I'm checking off items like a checklist...
Straighten out medical bill with insurance company... CHECK!
Straighten out consolidation loan... CHECK!
Pay off one of the credit cards (higher interest)... CHECK!
CHECK, CHECK, CHECK! :o)

It's a beautiful thing...

We're Going Camping

If I were to call you and say to you, "Friend, I have 2 weeks of vacation, so Chuck and I have decided to go camping." Your response to me would probably be something about asking me where... and I would mention some local State Park that you've never heard of... We would discuss things like borrowing a cooler from someone for our food, sleeping bags, lanterns, the mosquitoes and sunscreen... you may even offer your family's favorite campfire food recipe... It would all be a lovely discussion about communing with nature, and people we care about. The conversation may eventually change course to stories about when you went camping as a kid, or maybe plans you have to take your own kids camping this summer. It is a nice pleasant conversation, and there's no reason for you to look down your nose at me for going camping for a couple of weeks. Going camping does not qualify me as having "lost my mind."

Now, allow me to adjust our phone call just slightly. Instead of a couple of weeks, I actually say a couple of months. Instead of vacation, I tell you that we are still planning to go to work every day. Instead of staying in a state park, I mention that we would be asking different friends if we could park the camper in their yard for a few nights at a time. Instead of paying rent for a home that we can't afford, I tell you that we plan to sell everything that is not sentimental to us, and to get a small storage unit for the few things we have that are worth something.

Does our conversation still end nicely? Or have you by now begun judging us? Are you still my friend, offering recipes, or are you chiding me for my life's decisions?

How about if I add yet another aspect to our rocky conversation. Perhaps I tell you that we've been consumed with unhappiness and depression for the past three years because we don't go out and spend any money on our own happiness, if there are important bills due. Maybe I could explain to you that we have actually stopped paying any bills that we don't HAVE to pay in order to pay rent and buy groceries. Finally, I continue to explain to you that we am unable to pay rent once again, and are facing the same decisions right now that caused us to leave Jacksonville... If we continue on the path we're on, we could be facing eviction in a couple of months.

Do you change your tune, and try to be more empathetic, or do you continue to berate me and tell me how I'm stupid and doing the wrong thing? Everyone has their own opinion of things that they can tolerate. Perhaps living in a pop-up camper for a few months is not an option for you. For me, it's no big deal because I'm not afraid of "roughing it."

To me, living in a camper is an opportunity to take my life back. Maybe I should explain to you how we have been living. Maybe I should I tell you that we are literally in the situation that if we are invited to a party, we could not go because we can not afford the gas it takes to get across town. What if I tell you that when we leave work on Friday afternoon, we go home and literally do not leave my house most weekends for fear of spending any money on gas, or God forbid, the dollar menu at some fast-food chain. If we were to do that, it would cause the rent check to bounce because there is literally NO cushion in there for things like that.

Do you still judge me? Or do you think I am exaggerating? Do you think this is a plea for attention? If you answer yes to any of these things, then perhaps I should think twice before calling you and discussing my life with you. Chuck and I are doing what we feel is going to HELP OURSELVES get out of the situation we are in. I'm sorry you don't approve. As the saying goes... "If you're not for me, you're against me." All I ever needed was support and encouragement. Someone to answer the phone and listen to me when I vent. I do not need someone telling me how stupid I am.

Experiment in Human Goodness.

Wow, I seem to have opened the flood gates here. Let me set a few questions straight...


1. Chuck and I both have full time jobs. We are not unemployed and will have money coming in. If anything ever happened that we do not have a place to stay "that night" we do still have the option of staying with his family or in a hotel. We are not "on the street."

2. This is a radical decision that we have put a lot of thought into. The life that we have been living for the past three years has been unhappy, depressing, and frankly, we have not been able to have a real relationship because of it. So far, nothing that we have tried has worked. I have taken 2nd jobs in the past, but it's only helped for a little while because $100 here and $150 there can only do so much. We have bigger fish to fry, and we intend to do so.

3. I do appreciate all the calls of concern, but again, this is not a cry for pity or sympathy. Please do  not call me with "there must be some other way." Believe me, if there were, we would have found it by now. We are two intelligent, able-bodied adults, and between us, I believe we can form a thought every now and then. (Sorry about the sarcasm, but my last two phone calls were riddled with it.)

4. Finally, I would like to re-iterate that we will NOT be sleeping in our vehicles, or on a park bench in a snowstorm... unless that is our express decision to do so.

We do have options...
We will have our cell phones...
We will still have income...
We will still have food...
We will still have family/friends...
We are not dying...
We are not boozers begging for change on the side of the intersection.
We are two people that are making a radical change to make radical differences in our lives.
We are thinking "out of the box."

I would like to take this time to express my appreciation to the people that have called today and expressed their love and concern! Calls like this show me that this is something that is possible.

Think of it as an Experiment in Human Goodness.

Minimum Payment Hell

Ok, so Chuck and I are stuck in "Minimum Payment Hell" and there seems to be no escape. I have several bills left over from my divorce, plus my (already re-financed) vehicle payment, insurance, and a lawyer to repair the child support damage that I am still paying for (if you don't know that story, ask me another time). Because of these bills, and living in the middle of nowhere (with a gas-guzzling-machine that I REFUSE to get rid of), we are barely able to make ends meet. When ends do finally meet at the end of the month, we spend what little we have left to buy a handful of groceries and pray it gets us buy until we can do it all over again. No, this is NOT a sympathy ploy, and no, we do NOT want people to send money! This is just the basis for explaining WHY we've developed The Plan.

I've tried for part-time jobs, but after spending a lot of time applying everywhere online, and then spending valuable Saturdays applying in person to everywhere that I could think of, I finally gave up. I began noticing that I'm older than a lot of the MANAGERS in those places (if one more teeny-bopper-hostess-girl calls me Ma'am and looks down her nose at me, I promise, I'll break her face...). Eventually, I sensed my own hostility and decided to call it a day and go home.

We've looked everywhere that we could think of for an appropriate home (and we have lowered our standards a LOT) in order to save money through rent. But, once we pay a deposit on the house, and more on utilities, gas/trucks/food for moving, etc., then we're not really going to be any better off than before. So, we gave up on that angle.

So, Chuck and I have decided to sell off pretty much everything we own, and live off of the kindness of others for several months. By saving $700/month in rent, plus utilities, we are hoping to pay down/or pay off some of these bills! We do have a tent, and some other things that will make this slightly less of a challenge. He has a sister and his parents in this area that we may stay with. Otherwise, this will be an interesting experience.

Occassionally, we may splurge and get an inexpensive hotel room, but otherwise, we will be nomads.

Hippies.

Homeless.

(Don't freak out, Mom. It will be ok.)

I'm not going to lie. The whole prospect scares the hell out of me. I do look forward to getting rid of bills. Not always knowing where we will be "a week from today" will be a whole other story.
Right now, we are going to be working on selling everything we can, and putting the rest in a very small storage unit. Carley will be spending a couple of weeks with us towards the end of July, and when she goes home on July 31st, we move out.

That being said, we will be looking for friends to let us stay at their home or camp in their back yard for a couple of days (or even weeks) at a time. We are willing to house-sit as well, if anyone is going out of town. We are respectful and respectable. We are honest and hard working. Please pass the word around to anyone that lives within an hour's drive from where we currently live! Thank you!