The Re-Interview of My Daughter, Carley

The 2011 Interview with Ms. Carley...

My daughter and I have decided to ask the questions from her original interview from 2011. She was 10 at the time, and is now 12 years old. I think it will be interesting to see what questions have changed and what has stayed the same!

The questions are in Black, her current answers are in Blue, and her 10 year old answers are in Brown. Hope you enjoy! 

1.      Tell me the five best things about you. Freckles, "Awesome Personality," the fact that "I'm your kid," my hair, and my drawing talent. Drawing, singing, funny, smart, awesome freckles
2.      What does the word "success" mean to you? Being able to do what I want when I'm older. They have done something great and have accomplished a task wonderfully
3.      Why do kids put rings in their eyebrows and nose? Because they think that it makes them cooler and they just want to fit in... even tho I think they look like dorks. Because they think it’s cool because they see it on tv. Really it’s not that cool. They think it will make them look more popular.
4.      If you could tell me never to serve two vegetables again, which two would you choose? Pinto Beans and Brussel Sprouts Sweet potatoes and baked carrots.
5.      Who do you think I'd rather you be: an NBA ballplayer, the mayor, a famous explorer, or a movie star? Why? A famous explorer because I could find a really great place for you to live. An NBA player because you hear me talk about basketball a lot and it is fun for me.
6.      Which of your friends do you think I like the most? Why? Nikki, because she's a really big dork and she makes you laugh with her sarcastic comments. Savannah, because she’s honest, funny and really nice.
7.      On a scale of one to nine – one being not at all and nine being totally – how strict do you think I am? Where on the scale would you like me to be? You're a 3 because you want me to succeed, and I would prefer you were a 4 because I need to be pushed harder. You’re a one. You should be a two??? (in a very weak voice)
8.      What would be the ideal allowance? Tell me how you would use it. $10/week; use it for snacks at school, buy duct tape and things like that. $5.00 for stuff that I need like for junk food that I want so you don’t have to pay for my junk food; and toys that I want.
9.      Who was the worst teacher you ever had? Tell me why. Mrs. Kopleman because she's our language arts teacher that hates us. Nope does NOT like us. Gives us the evil eye from across the room! Oh my goodness! Mrs. J, because she is very, very strict. If you just mess up little things, you could get into a lot of trouble. She was strict.
10.  What would the ideal teacher be like? She would  be just like Mrs. Eddings because she cares for us like we're her own kids. She's easier on us. Very sweet, and just like Mrs. Scott or my mommy.
11.  Which one of your friends is the funniest looking? Why? Ramone because he looks like a dinosaur from the side because he has a big head and a Mohawk!! (she is cracking up right now) Mia, because she has a flat nose, and she always has her eyebrows scrunched up. It’s funny.
12.  If you could arrange it, what time would I come home from work? Then, what would we do together? You wouldn't go to work, but still get paid because that would be awesome. We would have a "girls' day" every day because we would be rich! You would come home at Lunch time, so we could go to lunch together and then have a girl’s night after.
13.   Can you think of any clothes that I should never put on again? Why? If you had anything lacy, I wouldn't want to see that. It's scary for any person in this world! Nobody should wear lace ever. If you’ve ever worn it, you should never wear it again.
14.  If a genie would give you only one wish, which would you pick, and why? being world-class attractive, being a genius, or being famous for doing something great? Famous for something great, because I would be doing something I love like helping kids with special needs or something like that. The last one, because I would gets lot of money so that I could take care of my family and myself.
15.  If you are feeling sad, what meal that I could make or order would be the one that would cheer you up? I like it when you make ice cream sundaes. Ice cream always makes me feel better.
16.  Are you afraid when we fly? No, because I'm with somebody. If I were alone, it would be scary because people scare me. No, it’s fun.
17.  Tell me who you think are the three greatest musicians in the world? Cher Lloyd, Bruno Mars, and Liam Payne Elvis Presley, Taylor Swift, Michael Jackson.
18.  If you could change three things about yourself, what would they be? My shoe size, because I have big feet; My height because I'm short; My laugh because I sound like a dying walrus. Nothing. I like myself perfectly.
19.  What are the qualities that make a good friend? Trust, respect, funny, and loving. Truthfulness, kindness, funniness
20.  What was your favorite toy when you were little?  Poly Pockets! my teddy bear
21.  What do you say to comfort yourself when something scares you (like when a plane is bumpy, of when you are in a scary place)? (breaking into song) "This girl is on fire!!" No, but really... I don't really say anything to myself. I just try to stay calm. It’s ok, just go to your happy place.
22.  What do you think makes a person good-looking? Their personality. The inside is what counts.
23.  If you could decorate our place, what would it look like? It would be a big house with a bunch of rooms; lazy river going through the house; the walls would be rainbow w/ peace signs and band posters everywhere. It would be pink and purple and light blue all over.
24.  What do you think of my driving? Um, it's good. It's just the other idiots on the road! (No, I didn't pay her for that answer!!) Awesome. It’s better than chuck’s.
25.  Looking at your pictures. When do you think you have been the cutest so far? Dude, I've always been cute! When I was a baby.
26.  What is the most enjoyable thing our family has done together in the last three years? Going to the Coke Museum and the Atlanta Aquarium in the same day! Go to the Atlanta aquarium and the coke museum in the same day.
27.  What is the nicest thing a friend has ever done for you? Take me to get my nails done and a girls' weekend! They had my back when I got into trouble.
28.  Why do you, or don't you, like violent movies? I like them because it's fun watching people get hurt. It's a good way to vent anger. They just give me the creeps!
29.  What sport (that you haven't tried) do you think you would be good at? On a swim team because I can hold my breath for a long time and I'm a fast swimmer. Skateboarding
30.  If you were going to have a weird, unusual pet, what would it be? Why would you want that pet? I would want a llama so it will spit in the faces of the people I don't like! An elephant; it’s protective, humungous, it can be a ride, very loving, and I want to name it Ellie.
31.  If you could look like anyone, who would it be? Why? A combination of my mom and Jess because I already do and it's fabulous! My mommy because I already do!
32.  Do you think girls look better with or without makeup? Why? It depends on the person. Some people don't take care of themselves and kind of need it. Other people have good skin and don't really need makeup. Without makeup, because they need to show themselves; with makeup, they are just making themselves look fake.
33.  What is the scariest movie you've ever seen? Why? That move... that I watched with Ashleigh... that one time... at that one place... your friend's house... It had that lady that ate people's tongues. It was so creepy! Dead silent; because the woman ate people’s tongues
34.  What is the grossest thing you can think of? Jess licked her ID card to make it work in the swiper at work! (ew) Snakes
35.  What would you do if you were invisible for a day? I would stalk Channing Tatum... Play pranks on people, especially my sister
36.  Do you ever have a dream that comes back over and over? If so, what is it like? A dream that I get the day before my birthday every year. You (mom) gets captured by a demon and you hide me under a bathroom sink. I have to go through different worlds to find you and I can hear you screaming on every world. When I do find you, you're almost dead. (Might need therapy?? lol) Yes. A nightmare that has come ever since right before my 5^th birthday; a goblin/demon that captures you and Ashleigh, and I have to come and find you. It scares me.
37.  Why do you think some people don't like animals? Because they're just stupid. Because they might be allergic, or they might think it’s too much work.

As she gets older, Carley is turning into a smart, funny, beautiful young lady. She has a good heart and is a kind person. She is currently growing her hair out to donate for Locks of Love, plays the Flute at school, and is interested in doing things to help needy children when she is older. As her mother, I couldn't be more proud of the beautiful lady that outshines me at every turn. I look forward to seeing what new amazing things she has in store for herself!

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Body Stereotypes

As many of you probably know, I had lost about 40 pounds in the beginning of last year. This year, I'm working on improving my overall strength, especially my upper body. In May, I will be taking part in the Tough Mudder obstacle course with some teammates, which is about 10-13 miles long.

As I am working on getting myself into better and better shape, I notice that a lot of the muscles that I had while growing up are starting to return. It's like my body already knows how to develop strength... I just haven't pushed it in about 20 years.

(A little background... I grew up on a dairy farm, so I always helped bail hay, carry buckets, lift bags of grain, etc. Because of my upbringing, I was pretty strong for a girl of my age.)

So, thankfully, my body remembers being strong and I'm getting back in that direction.

While spending all this time at the gym, I also do research on eating healthy, proper food choices, vitamins and supplements, etc. I also have "liked" a few pages on Facebook that show other women that also work hard and are proud of the improvements that they have made with their bodies.

Personally, I love being strong.

I love the independence that it allows me, especially since I have a mostly-guy dominated job.

I don't, however, wish to become a body builder that sprays their tans on and stands in front of a crowd in a bikini and flexes. To me, those women have over-done it and are no longer feminine. While I do want to see stomach muscles ripple and my calves move when I walk... I don't want to look like that.

Basically, I am trying to find a happy medium. I just want definition without losing my "girlish figure."

I am posting a picture of what I feel I would like to look like. You can see the girl's muscles, but she's not all veiny and body-builder-ish. To me, she is still very sexy and feminine... I have, however, had different men tell me that she's not attractive and that they don't want someone with "that many muscles."

Please post your opinions... I look forward to reading them!

Very Spicy Taco Soup Recipe

TACO SOUP - Very Hot... Not for the weak stomached!

1 lb. 95% lean ground beef sirloin
2 cans (14.5 oz. each) no-salt-added diced tomatoes (I usually get the kind that has chilies or some other pepper already in it)
1 can (15 oz.) no-salt-added black beans, rinsed and drained
1 can (15 oz.) no-salt-added kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 can (4 oz.) chopped green chilies, drained
1 packet (1.25 oz.) reduced-sodium taco seasoning mix
1 Tbsp. plus 2 tsp. original Ranch salad dressing mix (1/2 of a 1-oz. packet)
1 to 1.5 cups water (the less water you add, the thicker the “soup”)
2 cups frozen corn

Fresh cilantro, chopped (as much as you like… I like a lot)

2-3 fresh chopped jalapeños or habaneras’ (**Remember to use rubber gloves while chopping! The oil is

hard to wash off and will burn your fingers and anything else you touch!)

·         Brown the beef and add the taco seasoning; drain the fat from the meat.

·         Put all of the ingredients into a big pot and bring to a boil. The longer you cook it, the softer the peppers get, so it’s up to you on how long you cook it. I usually only do until the frozen corn is hot.

·         You can top with sour cream, shredded cheese, and/or eat with Fritos or tortilla chips.

·         Leftovers can be frozen and reheated later if needed… but I usually make a double batch and it’s eaten in just a few days.

Jesus, Take the Wheel

Sometimes you just need to pray. Life seems to be going just fine, and then all of a sudden, the phone rings... You take a step back and maybe reevaluate where you’re headed and how you’re getting there.

I received just such a phone call today. It turns out that a close relative of mine is having a stint put in tomorrow morning. I realize that over time, this procedure has become a "routine" thing, but routine or not, I'm still going to worry!

So, after the phone call, I hit my knees, and took some time to bow my head and have a talk with God. I know that worrying about this surgery is not going to help... in fact there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change the outcome at this point... so the only thing left was to pray.

As long as I was down on my knees, I took the time to be thankful for all of the blessings in my life, and say prayers for some of the other people that I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by. It had occurred to me that it had been far too long since I had actually just spent some time focusing on spiritual matters. I was due, and it felt good.

Then, on my way to work, I heard a song that always moves me to tears, no matter what state my life is in at the time... "Jesus Take the Wheel," by Carrie Underwood. I felt like it was a message, letting me know to just trust in Jesus, and everything will turn out ok. So, instead of stressing and worrying about my loved one tonight... I am stepping back and praying that God take care of him and keep him safe.

Anyone that is reading this, if you wouldn't mind setting a clock/alarm for 9:20am tomorrow (EST), please take a moment to say a prayer for my family member. It would mean so much to me..!! Thank you.

P.S. I've added a link to the song if you're interested...
 Jesus, Take the Wheel

Finding the Right Words

About a week ago, I learned that a friend's husband passed away. He had been sick for a long time, and he reached the point where he wasn't able to fight any longer. My friend has a little girl, and they are now going through the grieving process. Although they knew that he was very sick, it is still a very difficult thing to deal with, no matter how much "preparation time" they may have had. I felt so much pain for her loss, yet I had no words to adequately express myself to her. All I could come out with was, "I am so sorry."

In addition to that news, another friend of mine told me that one of his friends had committed suicide this past weekend. I didn't know that person, but I could feel the pain that my friend was feeling. {As some of you may know, a friend of mine tried to do the same thing about a year or so ago. Thank goodness he wasn't successful.} There are so many confusing, unanswered questions with suicides. It is so much more difficult to find closure here. Upon hearing the news, I was faced with the difficult position of trying to find the right words... do the right thing.

It seems that no matter where I go in life, and what things I go through, I still have no idea what the right thing is to say in these situations. I feel terrible, but I am keenly aware that no matter what comes out of my mouth, it will not make the pain go away. So, in knowing that, I feel at a loss. I feel awkward with anything that comes out of my mouth.

Am I the only person like this? Maybe nobody really knows how to adequately express their deepest condolences... or maybe it's just me.

When I went through cancer, people always had very nice things to say, and although it didn't change my situation, it was so comforting to know that my friends and family were there for me when I needed them. Even after all of that, if someone tells me that they are going through something similar, I immediately jump into "take action" mode and start asking about surgeries, hospitals, tests, chemo, radiation, and so on. I completely skip the "I'm so sorry" stage because it feels weird to me. I never wanted anyone to feel sorry for me, and so I refuse to feel sorry for someone that is capable of fighting. I have no idea if that is wrong! But, I am more equipped (mentally) to help with the "let's fix this problem" stage.

So, at least there, I feel somewhat helpful. When there is a death, I haven't got a clue. My friend whose husband passed away lives too far away for me to be able to make the funeral. I sent my condolences... although I don't feel like it was really adequate. I will be attending a memorial service with my other friend tomorrow. Although I didn't know the person that is now gone, I feel like it is the best that I can do to support my friend.

I don't know what words I will find tomorrow. I am hoping I won't be too awkward... but mostly, I just want to be there for my friend when he is feeling such a loss.

Meanwhile, I am saying prayers for the families and friends of the people that have passed. Time will help heal the open wound, but those loved ones will always be missed. Hopefully, they will be able to find closure in the best way possible.

Describe Yourself With One Word, Summary

After talking to my friends for this miniseries of blogs, and hearing how they would describe themselves to me, I've learned a couple of things.

1. How a person views them self is not always how others may see them.
2. Asking a person to explain why they see them self in that light can give you more insight on their personality.
3. Finally, the listener, if they pay attention, can learn something about themselves as well.

How we act, react, and interact with other people has a lot to do with both personalities. Let me give an example. Many of my friends will say that I am an outgoing, confident person. On the other hand, some will tell you that I am reserved. Why two different answers? I'm still the same person! It may have to do with how well the person actually knows me... but I think that mostly, it has to do a lot with their own personality. Some people in my life, I am outgoing and confident around, while I can be very reserved around others. The people I'm confident around make feel comfortable with being myself. I don't feel like they will criticize or judge me, so I can be whomever I want. Other people, maybe they don't judge me specifically, but they have a more conservative nature about themselves, causing me to react by being more reserved around them. We feed off of each other's personalities.

One of the people that I talked about in this series is always trying to get me to open up... "Use your words," he says to me. As I've said before, I am a very guarded person, and he sees that. He intentionally forces me out of my comfort zone. Sometimes it works, and I'll talk... sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I just clam up and it's the end of the conversation! Why is he able to force himself past my walls at all? I've known some people for years, and they have never learned as much about me as he has in just a few months. Mostly, I feel that he is aware of my walls and intentionally tries to knock them down. Most people hit a dead end that I have created, and revert back to small talk. They don't care enough to get to know what is really me. I guess they figure that if I'm not willing to just lay it out there and give them the story of my life, then they're not going to work for it. I see it the other way around. If they aren’t willing to try to get to know me, they I don’t care to share with them anyways.

As much as one person has had to work to get to know me, someone comes along very rarely, and I immediately trust them. They don't have to push for information... it flows freely! We can laugh, talk, share, and I feel completely at ease. What is it about that person that I trust wholeheartedly, immediately? I don't think my feelings are going to get hurt. I don't feel like all of my secrets are going to be given to someone else. I feel perfectly comfortable being myself, no matter what my mood is that day. I love that! Likewise, no matter what she says or does, I feel no need to criticize or think less of her. I think she is great… why would I want to change that? Our personalities mesh very well together.

Sometimes, I find that there are people that do want to know more about me. They try hard to get over, under, around and even through my walls. For some reason, however, the harder they try, the more guarded I become. It’s almost like my subconscious mind is telling me that they are not someone that I should be opening up to. I have someone in my life like that right now. He is a great person, but for someone reason, the harder he pulls, the harder I feel myself pulling back. I can’t exactly put my finger on why. This is just my natural reaction to his personality.

At a point in my life, not that long ago, I had stated that “Relationships make me feel like I am suffocating.” After some self assessment, I’ve figured out that it’s really not so much relationships that do it… and it’s not the person that I’m in a relationship with… it’s me. As I explained earlier, it is how I react and interact with the person that I’m paired with. We feed off of and react to other people’s personalities.

In addition to that, something inside of me is so afraid of rejection that I am willing to just forget about what I like and don’t like, and everything I do is about the other person’s wants and needs. I over-compromise to the point of my unhappiness, which leads to theirs as well.

For instance, if that person is more introverted than I am, and we go to a party, I feel bad if I walk around the room introducing myself to strangers because they may see it as flirting, or as me leaving them out. But, being the introvert that they are, they don’t want to just randomly meet strangers and talk to them! So, in my mind, I’m suffocating because now I’m just standing at a party, talking to the only three people there that I know. That is not fun to me... but worse, I won’t say a word to them about my unhappiness.

I tend to lose a sense of who I am… I completely engross myself in the relationship. Riding in the car, we will listen to what he likes to… at the time, it seems like it’s just something minor, but after years of listening to his music, I can’t even remember what kind I like any more! When choosing a place to eat, my reaction is usually to the tune of, “I don’t care, just pick a place.” What if I hate the food there? I’m so busy compromising, trying to make the relationship work that in the long run, I am compromising myself!

So, I had to step back from my last relationship. I needed to figure out myself. These are some things that I’ve learned about myself… even though I am guarded and sometimes moody; I am also funny, outgoing, and very social. I like older rock and roll more than any other kind of music. Reading books is my hobby, and I’m perfectly ok with being a little nerdy about it. I love sushi, pasta and taco soup. I enjoy hanging out with my friends, whether it is going to a bar, chilling at the house, or going to the pool. My friends are very important to me! I like running on cool mornings to clear my head, and I do not like spending my time watching television. As much as I love my friends, I get in moods sometimes when I want to be left alone.  

Above all, I have learned that whether I am in a relationship or not, I need to set boundaries for myself. I will still react off of other people’s personalities… I think that’s how we all get along. But, I can no longer compromise my happiness and self worth because of my fear of rejection. In the long run, I would be unhappy anyways, because of losing my sense of self.

I like who I am. I think I’ll keep it that way.