I have a wonderful uncle that has his Doctorate in Psychology... When I was going to college, I discussed with him my choices in majors and so on. I finally settled on a minor in Psychology because people in general fascinate me. I was itching to learn more about what made them "tick."
Towards the end of our conversation, he says to me,
"Those that are the most interested in psychology are the
ones that need it the most."
Well, I can't argue with that logic... he may be on to something there...!!!
So, I was talking to a friend today, and we were discussing some things that are currently going on in my life. My response was that it was no big deal; I am a resilient person. His first language is not English, so he asked me to explain:
re·sil·ient adj.
1. Marked by the ability to recover readily, as from misfortune.
2. Capable of returning to an original shape or position, as after having been compressed.
As our conversation continued, I got to thinking about that word. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that if I needed to pick just one word to describe myself, that had to be it. I could choose something like "survivor," but it’s so cliché. Besides, I don't feel that really fits all of me, the way resilient does.
I've had some difficult things happen (as we all have), and I always make it through, no matter what. This is what has made me who I am today... stubborn, guarded, but strong and still having hope in my future. I will not be broken. At the end of the day, I can turn my face to the sun, kick off my shoes and still honestly say, "Life is indeed good."
So, I asked my friend what word he would use to describe himself. He said, "Alive." He said that he is not only enjoying his life, but he learns from everything that has happened around him. "Living is my school and being alive is my pleasure."
I liked that description because he is the type to "enjoy the moment." That is one of my favorite things about him! Then he asked what I would have chosen for him. I responded with Perceptive or Insightful. This is what gets him through life!
If I were to compare our personalities, I would say that his perception is what helps him. He has an idea of how people will react before they do. He is very good at reading personalities. If we were playing football, he would be on the offensive team, while my resilience puts me on the defensive team. I don't have the same instinct. Instead, I block, and then pick up the pieces after things don't go according to my plan.
We are both thinkers and planners, but in different ways. Because of our different outlooks, he might only need a "Plan B," but because of my own life's experiences, I would have "Plans B, C, and D." We both have the ability to look to the future and see what we want, and develop a plan for a specific outcome, but we do it in very different ways.
Now, this is where the psychology part came in. After that conversation, my gears were still turning (big surprise!), so I asked the same question to several other friends. One of the things that I came up with was that I feel that the word the person uses to describe them self tells you how they see themselves, but it also says a lot about how they want others to see them.
For example, people that know me well, know that I can be soft and mushy on the inside, but I very rarely let it show. I have to let my guard down, and I feel like I'm exposing my inner workings to the world. That is something that I am unbelievably uncomfortable with! I don't even hug people unless I really know them! I have my "bubble" and very few people are allowed in it. I am not ashamed to admit that I have walls... but they are there because of some things that have happened in my past. Sometimes things don't go as expected in life, and after a lifetime of this, I eventually realized that the alternative isn't always a bad thing. It's taught me a lot and I wouldn't be right here right now if things had not gone the way they did!
So, my word... Resilient... means exactly what it means... I feel that it describes me very well. I've gotten through things that were a very big deal to me, and I am a stronger, wiser person because of it. I also feel that I chose that word as a means of portraying my "ability to overcome" to the listener. I want people to portray me as a strong person... maybe because on the inside, I question my own strength on a regular basis. If the rest of the world views me one way, it supports me when I am feeling less inclined to see it in myself.
So, all of this begs the final question... What made my friend choose the word "Alive" for his own self assessment? From my angle, he is more of a planner than a live-in-the-moment type. He never begins anything without having an idea of possible outcomes. I have another friend (that I will talk about on a different day) that I believe is more suited to the "Alive" description than this person is. So, in saying that to me, was he trying to either consciously or subconsciously portray a message? Trying to force me into believing he is more lighthearted and carefree than how I viewed him before? I don't have the answers, but I do think that there is more to it than just what we see at face value.
