One Down, Four to Go

So, I called Michael's yesterday and quit my job.
I felt bad for not giving them a notice, since they had me scheduled to work 7 out of the next 8 days and will need to find someone to fill in for me...
Wait... my PART TIME JOB had me scheduled to work 7 out of the next 8 days? WTF? Maybe I don't feel so bad after all.
I rarely saw my boyfriend.
I saw Ashleigh even less because she was sleeping when I got up in the morning, and she was usually working when I got home at night. Then, I would be asleep by the time she got there. Most of my news about my own daughter was told to me by other people in the house. Well, at least I know she's still alive...

All in all, though, Michael's really wasn't a bad job. I liked most of the people that I worked with. I'll really miss my discount, though! Chuck and I were talking about all the free time I was going to have, and we decided that we needed hobbies so we wouldn't drive eachother nuts. Damn, can I get my job back so I can get my discount on craft stuff?? lol. Guess I'll just use one of the friends/family coupons and stock up! lol.

Today is payday. I am super excited to announce that Chuck and I are paying off the first of five large bills today. I wish I could just put out a huge list and take a gigantic red marker and put a great big, fat line through "Bank of America Loan." Regardless... it's done. I'm so happy!! This has turned into a pretty good week.

I also realized that when I told everyone about the hearing, I didn't tell you about my visit with Carley. It was WAY too short, of course, but it is always good to see my little girl. Well, I don't know about "little" so much. She's getting tall!! It makes me sad to see how much she has changed in between my visits. But, she's funny, smart, and beautiful. I couldn't be more proud to call her my daughter. I can't wait to see her again. I did snap this picture during our visit, though (we were doing Mad Libs).

I guess that's about it. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!! I might start a hobby, since I'm free for two whole days!

We're Going Camping

If I were to call you and say to you, "Friend, I have 2 weeks of vacation, so Chuck and I have decided to go camping." Your response to me would probably be something about asking me where... and I would mention some local State Park that you've never heard of... We would discuss things like borrowing a cooler from someone for our food, sleeping bags, lanterns, the mosquitoes and sunscreen... you may even offer your family's favorite campfire food recipe... It would all be a lovely discussion about communing with nature, and people we care about. The conversation may eventually change course to stories about when you went camping as a kid, or maybe plans you have to take your own kids camping this summer. It is a nice pleasant conversation, and there's no reason for you to look down your nose at me for going camping for a couple of weeks. Going camping does not qualify me as having "lost my mind."

Now, allow me to adjust our phone call just slightly. Instead of a couple of weeks, I actually say a couple of months. Instead of vacation, I tell you that we are still planning to go to work every day. Instead of staying in a state park, I mention that we would be asking different friends if we could park the camper in their yard for a few nights at a time. Instead of paying rent for a home that we can't afford, I tell you that we plan to sell everything that is not sentimental to us, and to get a small storage unit for the few things we have that are worth something.

Does our conversation still end nicely? Or have you by now begun judging us? Are you still my friend, offering recipes, or are you chiding me for my life's decisions?

How about if I add yet another aspect to our rocky conversation. Perhaps I tell you that we've been consumed with unhappiness and depression for the past three years because we don't go out and spend any money on our own happiness, if there are important bills due. Maybe I could explain to you that we have actually stopped paying any bills that we don't HAVE to pay in order to pay rent and buy groceries. Finally, I continue to explain to you that we am unable to pay rent once again, and are facing the same decisions right now that caused us to leave Jacksonville... If we continue on the path we're on, we could be facing eviction in a couple of months.

Do you change your tune, and try to be more empathetic, or do you continue to berate me and tell me how I'm stupid and doing the wrong thing? Everyone has their own opinion of things that they can tolerate. Perhaps living in a pop-up camper for a few months is not an option for you. For me, it's no big deal because I'm not afraid of "roughing it."

To me, living in a camper is an opportunity to take my life back. Maybe I should explain to you how we have been living. Maybe I should I tell you that we are literally in the situation that if we are invited to a party, we could not go because we can not afford the gas it takes to get across town. What if I tell you that when we leave work on Friday afternoon, we go home and literally do not leave my house most weekends for fear of spending any money on gas, or God forbid, the dollar menu at some fast-food chain. If we were to do that, it would cause the rent check to bounce because there is literally NO cushion in there for things like that.

Do you still judge me? Or do you think I am exaggerating? Do you think this is a plea for attention? If you answer yes to any of these things, then perhaps I should think twice before calling you and discussing my life with you. Chuck and I are doing what we feel is going to HELP OURSELVES get out of the situation we are in. I'm sorry you don't approve. As the saying goes... "If you're not for me, you're against me." All I ever needed was support and encouragement. Someone to answer the phone and listen to me when I vent. I do not need someone telling me how stupid I am.