Fit By 40

As I begin to approach my 39th birthday, I have thought a lot about my physical self lately.
Because I am so out of shape, I have decided to give myself a birthday gift.
I have wanted to be fit and strong... and proud of my reflection... for as long as I can remember.
I have gotten on that track a few times by losing weight and hitting the gym, but eventually, life gets in my way, and I become derailed.

By 40, I want to be the person I have dreamed about!
I have one year to get this done.

Somehow, I need to be held accountable!
I need friends to call, text and Facebook me to ask about my progress!
If I am not progressing, I need to be reminded of how important this is!!
I don't need "Nice." I need a real, true friend. Honesty. Reality. Even if it hurts.

On days when I would rather sleep in, I need a push out of bed to run before it gets too hot outside.
In the evenings, I need to go to the gym, not drink beer in the hot tub!
I need to eat more fruits and vegetables as snacks, not chips and desserts!
I need to eat salads on the rare occasion that I do eat out, instead of reaching for the greasy burger and fries.
I need my loved ones to encourage healthier choices, instead of recommending that we "swing by for a Starbucks" on the way to go somewhere.

I realize that I am an adult, and I am fully capable of saying, "No," but sometimes it isn't easy.
Dangling things in front of my face makes it a whole lot harder.
I know I wouldn't go to Taco Bell on my own. In fact, I very rarely EVER eat out on my own!
But if the person I'm with suggests it, I'm quick to say, "sure!"

It is really hard for me!

As I have mentioned, I have allowed other things to get in my way.
The people that I live with (boyfriend and kids) and the people that I work with are the biggest distractors.
Now I need them to be my biggest cheerleaders!

From now on, if you aren't for me, you are against me.
If I am someone you genuinely care about, you will encourage me to be more fit and make better food choices.
I need positive reinforcement.
I need supportive people that know my health and longevity are more important than being able to stay up late, watching some television show.
More important than waving lemon cake under my nose or a late night ice cream run to Sonic.
More important than asking why I am having a salad instead of partaking in the Friday Night Potluck that is full of grease and cheese.

Where I am right now, is the most unhealthy I have ever been in my entire life.
Things need to change. If they don't, I may not be around for as long as my loved ones want me to me.
Being this way has made me feel depressed and uncomfortable with who I am.
My clothes are too tight.
Sitting with my legs crossed is painful because my thighs are too thick.
My shoulders and hips ache from the moment I wake up in the mornings.
I feel easily winded any time I do cardio.
My stomach even aches every time I eat!

Overall, I am unhappy and sick most of the time.
I don't want to be that person anymore!
So, my gift to myself for my 40th birthday is to be healthy, fit and happy!
And the only 40th gift I want from anyone else is a year's supply of love, encouragement, and understanding.
It's not too late, but if I keep putting it off, it will be.

UPDATE: A week later, I have lost 6.4 pounds so far! Yayy! :)

Positive Vibes

Ok, so I haven't been on here in a while. Sorry.

To be honest, I was feeling bad, because I felt like my blog was becoming a continuous bitch session. It is a good place to air out my problems and vent, but at the same time, I am sure that I come across as this "Negative Nancy" to anyone that doesn't know me.

SO, I've decided to follow in the steps of a friend, and make today a {{{Positive Vibes}}} day. I would like to take the time to discuss the positive qualities of all of the wonderful people in my life, but I'm not going to bore you all with detail like that.

Let me just mention a few people at the top of my list, and hope that the people I don't take the time to mention will know that I do still appreciate them in my life as well!

CDL - I love that you support me in everything that I do. You listen to me, and you give me feedback when I act a little crazy. You make me laugh when I get too stressed. It drives me up the wall! Thank you.

AW&MW - I appreciate you two more than you know!! You've taken me into your home not once, but twice, when I've needed it the most. I can only hope that one day I can find an appropriate way to repay you.

JAA - I thank God for every day that you have been in my life. Taking you into my heart was one of the best decisions that I have ever made. You have made me a better, more patient person, and you constantly remind me how to look at the funny side of life. I couldn't be more proud!

CNA - You are becoming more like me every day. I am so excited about that! (I'm also hoping it drives your Dad crazy!! lol) You are smart, funny, and independent. I miss you more than you will ever understand, and I love you. You are my light at the end of the tunnel.

GJM&TGM - Thank you for always being there to listen to me vent about the issues in my life, without ever overstepping any boundaries. You realize that I am a very independent, proud person, and you never tell me how you think I should live my life. You offer advice when solicited, but mostly, you just hear me out. That is all I ever really need. I am so greatful that you are my parents!

DM - There was a long time that I didn't have you in my life, and I missed you more than you will ever know. I have always considered you to be like a big sister, and I am so excited to have you as a friend again. I love that you listen to me vent about my life, and make me laugh when you vent about yours. I appreciate our phone calls, and everything else that you have done for me as well. Thank you for being a friend.

MM - The other person that I call to vent about my life. I realize that you have issues in your life that are equal to mine, but you always take the time to listen when I need it. I value all of the constructive criticism that you give, and I appreciate that you can take my criticism for what it is... Just my Opinion. You make me laugh when things look bad. Thank you for being my friend over these years!

To everyone else out there... If you were not mentioned in the above list, please don't be upset! I have such a wonderful support group that is made up of so many people! I get phone calls, text messages, e-mails, and messages on my social network... Random kind words mean so much! I have been back in contact with some "long lost" cousins, reunited with some old Navy friends, and grown closer to some people that I went to high school with. I am thankful for every part that all of you play in my life, no matter how big or small that part may be!

So, instead of complaining about the fact that my jeep broke down, again, on Saturday... I'm going to just say THANK YOU to everyone that has already heard me bitch about it, and move on!

I hope you all have a wonderful day.

We're Going Camping

If I were to call you and say to you, "Friend, I have 2 weeks of vacation, so Chuck and I have decided to go camping." Your response to me would probably be something about asking me where... and I would mention some local State Park that you've never heard of... We would discuss things like borrowing a cooler from someone for our food, sleeping bags, lanterns, the mosquitoes and sunscreen... you may even offer your family's favorite campfire food recipe... It would all be a lovely discussion about communing with nature, and people we care about. The conversation may eventually change course to stories about when you went camping as a kid, or maybe plans you have to take your own kids camping this summer. It is a nice pleasant conversation, and there's no reason for you to look down your nose at me for going camping for a couple of weeks. Going camping does not qualify me as having "lost my mind."

Now, allow me to adjust our phone call just slightly. Instead of a couple of weeks, I actually say a couple of months. Instead of vacation, I tell you that we are still planning to go to work every day. Instead of staying in a state park, I mention that we would be asking different friends if we could park the camper in their yard for a few nights at a time. Instead of paying rent for a home that we can't afford, I tell you that we plan to sell everything that is not sentimental to us, and to get a small storage unit for the few things we have that are worth something.

Does our conversation still end nicely? Or have you by now begun judging us? Are you still my friend, offering recipes, or are you chiding me for my life's decisions?

How about if I add yet another aspect to our rocky conversation. Perhaps I tell you that we've been consumed with unhappiness and depression for the past three years because we don't go out and spend any money on our own happiness, if there are important bills due. Maybe I could explain to you that we have actually stopped paying any bills that we don't HAVE to pay in order to pay rent and buy groceries. Finally, I continue to explain to you that we am unable to pay rent once again, and are facing the same decisions right now that caused us to leave Jacksonville... If we continue on the path we're on, we could be facing eviction in a couple of months.

Do you change your tune, and try to be more empathetic, or do you continue to berate me and tell me how I'm stupid and doing the wrong thing? Everyone has their own opinion of things that they can tolerate. Perhaps living in a pop-up camper for a few months is not an option for you. For me, it's no big deal because I'm not afraid of "roughing it."

To me, living in a camper is an opportunity to take my life back. Maybe I should explain to you how we have been living. Maybe I should I tell you that we are literally in the situation that if we are invited to a party, we could not go because we can not afford the gas it takes to get across town. What if I tell you that when we leave work on Friday afternoon, we go home and literally do not leave my house most weekends for fear of spending any money on gas, or God forbid, the dollar menu at some fast-food chain. If we were to do that, it would cause the rent check to bounce because there is literally NO cushion in there for things like that.

Do you still judge me? Or do you think I am exaggerating? Do you think this is a plea for attention? If you answer yes to any of these things, then perhaps I should think twice before calling you and discussing my life with you. Chuck and I are doing what we feel is going to HELP OURSELVES get out of the situation we are in. I'm sorry you don't approve. As the saying goes... "If you're not for me, you're against me." All I ever needed was support and encouragement. Someone to answer the phone and listen to me when I vent. I do not need someone telling me how stupid I am.