Road Trip!

As many of you have heard by now, I talked to my lawyer yesterday. We are scheduled to have a hearing to adjust my child support payment tomorrow. My lawyer was full of positive news, and I am very much looking forward to having all of this past me. I would love to share everything that she told me, but I don't want to jiinx anything. So, until everything is settled, you'll just have to live with "it's looking good."

Meanwhile, I am working today (at lunch right now) and will be driving to Jacksonville after work. It's usually about a 6-7 hour trip, but since I'll be attempting Atlanta during afternoon rush hour (dumb, dumb, dumb), there's no telling how long it will take. I am going to try to take 285 around Atlanta, instead of 75 through it, though. We'll see if that makes any difference at all.

The last time I tried some smarty-pants move like that, I got stuck for several hours behind a wreck, on the road outside of Macon... Middle of summer, jeep almost out of gas, with Ashleigh. We kept having to turn the jeep off so we wouldn't get stranded (neither of us wanted to walk for gas), and so we couldn't use the a/c. Totally miserable.

Anyhoo, I am making the trip alone tonight. There are good and bad aspects of Brenda making a road trip all by herself. It's good that I get to think things through and have a plan of action... for the rest of my life, apparently, since it'll take at least 7 hrs to get there and the same to get back on Wednesday night. On the negative side, I'll be able to make myself a plan of action... for the rest of my life, only to change my mind the next time I have a spare minute to reconsider.

Seriously, how am I still sane? Does anyone else do this to themselves? Sometimes I feel like I'm teetering on the edge.

I have two sides of myself. When I am worried about something, I do tend to become more quiet and introverted, because I'm replaying the entire thing through my head... I have this uncanny ability to view something from every possible angle. I've often believed that this is exactly why I've been fortunate enough to never break a bone (Knock on wood!!). I have the abilitiy to see all the things that could happen, and if breaking a bone is a possible scenario (I weigh the risks), then I won't do it. I should work for an insurance company... I could TOTALLY be one of those risk-assessment people.

The other side of myself doesn't want to be left alone when I'm stressed BECAUSE I know that I will play and replay the thing over and over and over again in my head. It's not pretty. I have been known to freak myself out, because my mind always automatically assumes the worst possible scenario.

So...
This is where I'm at right now. I am looking forward to having this hearing out of the way. I am super-excited to see Carley tomorrow, even if it is just for a little while. I don't even mind all the driving. I am not so excited to have the time to let my mind replay every possible outcome of this hearing. I know that one day I will drive myself (no pun intended) crazy with all of this over-analyzing.

Since I don't have anyone to ride in the car with me, I am certain that several of you will be receiving phone calls at some point tonight. All I ask is that you listen for a few minutes, talk me off my ledge, and then distract me with something interesting that is happening in your life.

Every now and then, my mind just needs to be put back into neutral.
It needs to consider other people outside of its thick, bone-headed coating.
A time-out, so to speak.

I just know that if I am not distracted, I will worry myself sick. Then, I won't be able to eat tomorrow, because of nerves. Then, when we get to the hearing, I'll be all nervous and hungary... low blood sugar... can't think straight... pass out....

See? Do you see what my brain can do? Seriously. I'm a mess.

I will post a blog once this is all over with, and share the outcome.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone that has listened to me complain about "poor me" and my situation over the past few years. I am finally getting close to the light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to get past this hurdle.

Anyhoo... expect phone calls. You know who you are. :o)