Well, to start off, I feel like a zombie. I drove 7 hours south, stayed in a hotel, got hit on by some guy working @ Starbucks, went to the hearing, hung with Carley for a couple of hours, then drove 7 more hours home. It was 12:30 by the time I got home last night.
What happened to the days when we would go out drinking on a Tuesday night, get home around 3am, and go into work the next day without even feeling tired??? This whole "getting old" thing is for the birds.
Anyhoo, I know you all want me to stop babbling and tell you how the hearing went.
I'll get to that.
First, though, I need to establish something. I'm tired... that means that whatever I write may or may not make sense. Seriously. It's taking forever to even type this much because my brain doesn't seem to be sending the proper signals to my fingers. Grrr...
So, here we go:
First, we were able to work out the kinks of what I actually owed in back child support. The State finally recognized what had been paid. I will not claim that I am perfect. I was extremely broke after the divorce, and so I freely admit that I had missed a few months, and didn't pay the whole amount for some months. I have no problem admitting that I owed something. My problem was that they claimed I owed a LOT more that what I actually did. So, we came to a number that Tim and I could both agree on.
Next, they looked at my financials and his, and the Judge crunched some numbers...
DRUMROLL, PLEASE...
My support is reduced by $180/month.
It isn't what I wanted, but let me explain further. My lawyer had come up with a lower number, using what is called the "20% rule." For those that are unfamiliar, the 20% rule says that if I have Carley at least 20% of the year, then my child support is drastically reduced. Well, last year, I did have Carley that much. Unfortunately, my ex was less than cooperative about summer vacation this year.
(If you ask him, he'll claim that he cooperated freely.)
Here is what happened... I asked if I could have Carley all summer, with the exception of the 2 weeks she always spends with his Mom in Tennessee. I have absolutely no issue with making sure his Mom gets Carley during the summer, even though he has NEVER made an attempt to help Carley see or even talk to anyone in my family. So, he responds with "Yes, you can have her all summer... Except for this date, and this date, and this date, and this date. She has to be in Florida during those times."
I had no idea why she had to be in Florida for those dates, but I obviously didn't have the money to drive back and forth to Florida countless times, especially if he refuses to meet me even part of the way. So, my only option was to choose the longest time period that he gave me, which was 10 days. I was told that she HAD to be back to Florida by July 31st because they were going to go on a "family vacation."
Carley told me all about the cruise they were all going to take. So, I made sure she was home on the date told to me. Turns out that they never did go on that "Family Vacation" and I was never called and told that I could keep her longer. They just allowed me to bring her back on the agreed date. So, she sat at home for the next three weeks, waiting for school to start, when she could've been up here with me for those three weeks.
So, because I did not get Carley for enough days this past year, the 20% rule does not apply to me, thus the higher child support amount.
They did remove Ashleigh, but only pro-rated her back to February of this year. When she graduated high school, I contacted the State of Florida and asked them what paperwork I had to file and whom I needed to file it with.
Maybe I seem stupid to a lot of people, but I have literally NEVER had to deal with the legal system. The worst thing that I've ever had happen is that I got a speeding ticket once. So, I am completely lost/clueless when it comes to filing official documents, especially from an entire state away. If you walk in somewhere and say, "I need to file this," they will look at it and tell you where you should actually be. When it gets mailed to the wrong department (same building), it just sits in someone's box for months.
So, I attempted to file the documents regarding Ashleigh graduating way back in August. But, they weren't filed correctly until February.
One final thought. Tim did try to throw me under the bus by bringing up my part-time job. The judge asked me, and I explained that I had gotten it in order to pay the lawyer. I told her how much money I made, and that the State of Florida is aware of it, because they've been taking money from those checks as well to send to Tim. She told me that I needed to quit the job, or they would consider that as part of my income and I would have to pay more. So, I will be quitting my Michael's job as of today. I hate not giving a 2-week notice, but I am not about to give him the opportunity to increase my support.
I guess things didn't go as well as I'd hoped, but I am still happy. The fact that they never aknowledged the support that had been paid really bothered me. So, that's a weight that's been lifted.
Plus, with the extra $180/month, I can set that aside and actually SEE CARLEY MORE OFTEN!!
That right there made all of this worth my time.
Showing posts with label child support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child support. Show all posts
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Road Trip!
As many of you have heard by now, I talked to my lawyer yesterday. We are scheduled to have a hearing to adjust my child support payment tomorrow. My lawyer was full of positive news, and I am very much looking forward to having all of this past me. I would love to share everything that she told me, but I don't want to jiinx anything. So, until everything is settled, you'll just have to live with "it's looking good."
Meanwhile, I am working today (at lunch right now) and will be driving to Jacksonville after work. It's usually about a 6-7 hour trip, but since I'll be attempting Atlanta during afternoon rush hour (dumb, dumb, dumb), there's no telling how long it will take. I am going to try to take 285 around Atlanta, instead of 75 through it, though. We'll see if that makes any difference at all.
The last time I tried some smarty-pants move like that, I got stuck for several hours behind a wreck, on the road outside of Macon... Middle of summer, jeep almost out of gas, with Ashleigh. We kept having to turn the jeep off so we wouldn't get stranded (neither of us wanted to walk for gas), and so we couldn't use the a/c. Totally miserable.
Anyhoo, I am making the trip alone tonight. There are good and bad aspects of Brenda making a road trip all by herself. It's good that I get to think things through and have a plan of action... for the rest of my life, apparently, since it'll take at least 7 hrs to get there and the same to get back on Wednesday night. On the negative side, I'll be able to make myself a plan of action... for the rest of my life, only to change my mind the next time I have a spare minute to reconsider.
Seriously, how am I still sane? Does anyone else do this to themselves? Sometimes I feel like I'm teetering on the edge.
I have two sides of myself. When I am worried about something, I do tend to become more quiet and introverted, because I'm replaying the entire thing through my head... I have this uncanny ability to view something from every possible angle. I've often believed that this is exactly why I've been fortunate enough to never break a bone (Knock on wood!!). I have the abilitiy to see all the things that could happen, and if breaking a bone is a possible scenario (I weigh the risks), then I won't do it. I should work for an insurance company... I could TOTALLY be one of those risk-assessment people.
The other side of myself doesn't want to be left alone when I'm stressed BECAUSE I know that I will play and replay the thing over and over and over again in my head. It's not pretty. I have been known to freak myself out, because my mind always automatically assumes the worst possible scenario.
So...
This is where I'm at right now. I am looking forward to having this hearing out of the way. I am super-excited to see Carley tomorrow, even if it is just for a little while. I don't even mind all the driving. I am not so excited to have the time to let my mind replay every possible outcome of this hearing. I know that one day I will drive myself (no pun intended) crazy with all of this over-analyzing.
Since I don't have anyone to ride in the car with me, I am certain that several of you will be receiving phone calls at some point tonight. All I ask is that you listen for a few minutes, talk me off my ledge, and then distract me with something interesting that is happening in your life.
Every now and then, my mind just needs to be put back into neutral.
It needs to consider other people outside of its thick, bone-headed coating.
A time-out, so to speak.
I just know that if I am not distracted, I will worry myself sick. Then, I won't be able to eat tomorrow, because of nerves. Then, when we get to the hearing, I'll be all nervous and hungary... low blood sugar... can't think straight... pass out....
See? Do you see what my brain can do? Seriously. I'm a mess.
I will post a blog once this is all over with, and share the outcome.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone that has listened to me complain about "poor me" and my situation over the past few years. I am finally getting close to the light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to get past this hurdle.
Anyhoo... expect phone calls. You know who you are. :o)
Meanwhile, I am working today (at lunch right now) and will be driving to Jacksonville after work. It's usually about a 6-7 hour trip, but since I'll be attempting Atlanta during afternoon rush hour (dumb, dumb, dumb), there's no telling how long it will take. I am going to try to take 285 around Atlanta, instead of 75 through it, though. We'll see if that makes any difference at all.
The last time I tried some smarty-pants move like that, I got stuck for several hours behind a wreck, on the road outside of Macon... Middle of summer, jeep almost out of gas, with Ashleigh. We kept having to turn the jeep off so we wouldn't get stranded (neither of us wanted to walk for gas), and so we couldn't use the a/c. Totally miserable.
Anyhoo, I am making the trip alone tonight. There are good and bad aspects of Brenda making a road trip all by herself. It's good that I get to think things through and have a plan of action... for the rest of my life, apparently, since it'll take at least 7 hrs to get there and the same to get back on Wednesday night. On the negative side, I'll be able to make myself a plan of action... for the rest of my life, only to change my mind the next time I have a spare minute to reconsider.
Seriously, how am I still sane? Does anyone else do this to themselves? Sometimes I feel like I'm teetering on the edge.
I have two sides of myself. When I am worried about something, I do tend to become more quiet and introverted, because I'm replaying the entire thing through my head... I have this uncanny ability to view something from every possible angle. I've often believed that this is exactly why I've been fortunate enough to never break a bone (Knock on wood!!). I have the abilitiy to see all the things that could happen, and if breaking a bone is a possible scenario (I weigh the risks), then I won't do it. I should work for an insurance company... I could TOTALLY be one of those risk-assessment people.
The other side of myself doesn't want to be left alone when I'm stressed BECAUSE I know that I will play and replay the thing over and over and over again in my head. It's not pretty. I have been known to freak myself out, because my mind always automatically assumes the worst possible scenario.
So...
This is where I'm at right now. I am looking forward to having this hearing out of the way. I am super-excited to see Carley tomorrow, even if it is just for a little while. I don't even mind all the driving. I am not so excited to have the time to let my mind replay every possible outcome of this hearing. I know that one day I will drive myself (no pun intended) crazy with all of this over-analyzing.
Since I don't have anyone to ride in the car with me, I am certain that several of you will be receiving phone calls at some point tonight. All I ask is that you listen for a few minutes, talk me off my ledge, and then distract me with something interesting that is happening in your life.
Every now and then, my mind just needs to be put back into neutral.
It needs to consider other people outside of its thick, bone-headed coating.
A time-out, so to speak.
I just know that if I am not distracted, I will worry myself sick. Then, I won't be able to eat tomorrow, because of nerves. Then, when we get to the hearing, I'll be all nervous and hungary... low blood sugar... can't think straight... pass out....
See? Do you see what my brain can do? Seriously. I'm a mess.
I will post a blog once this is all over with, and share the outcome.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone that has listened to me complain about "poor me" and my situation over the past few years. I am finally getting close to the light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to get past this hurdle.
Anyhoo... expect phone calls. You know who you are. :o)
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Pass the Word
Lately, I’ve had a few people utter the words “your blog has inspired me”
and it shocks me every single time!
I started writing down my thoughts to get things out of my head.
If you know me, you know that I dwell (aka “Stress”) on things for days, and even weeks.
I think, re-think, and then re-think my re-thunk-thoughts…
…and then talk to people about it,
…and then do the whole process all over again.
I’m a Libra.
There is a reason the scales are our symbol.
I’ve tried several times during my life to write in journals, in order to sort out what is in my head.
The problem with me, however, is that I need feedback.
Thus, a blog.
So, I was talking to a friend today, and he very recently signed divorce papers, and is in the beginning of what I went through nearly four years ago. I remember talking to him a day or two before him signing the papers, about how divorce is a very painful process, and even if you know it is the right thing, and you know that it is going to be better for everyone involved to just get it over with, you also know that there was something about that person that you loved at one time. Sometimes it’s hard to remember what that thing is, but it was there once.
Divorce is like death.
That one little thing that you loved about that person is what you remember late at night, when you’re all alone, crying over the death of your marriage. That is when you briefly forget all the pain that they caused you, and forgive, if only for a moment.
You can’t force someone to love you. God knows I’ve tried. I know a lot of people that have tried. But, you can only love as much as possible and then leave when it gets to be too much.
So, this friend was on my mind and I decided to see how he was holding up.
I sent him a message, and he told me that he has a lot to figure out right now. He also told me, “I don't know that I'm in the greatest place right now but I'm really good at pretending I am.”
I don’t have answers for my friend. Things do get better with time. Until then, my suggestion to him is, “Continue pretending that everything is ok, and one day, you will look around and realize that you’re not pretending anymore!”
My friend did also mention that reading my blog has helped him. He told me that it is reassuring to know that he isn’t the only person going through these things. GASP! You mean there are more of us?
That leads me to my final thought.
I can’t be the only one. The State of Florida is helping my ex husband screw me over at every turn that I make. They just start garnishing my wages. When I got a second job to help relieve some of the burden, they began garnishing those wages as well. Seriously?
Apparently, when you are not the custodial parent in Florida, you are considered guilty without a trial, and then get to spend the next 2 (plus) years and thousands in lawyer & court costs to finally prove that you are not.
I have been wracking my brain, trying to figure out a way to help myself and other people in my situation.
One person suggested that I write to the local congressman. I think that would be a great idea, if I lived in that area, and he cared about my opinion. But, since I don’t, and I didn’t vote for him, I doubt he will give me a second thought.
It was also suggested that I write a newspaper article and send it to the Jacksonville newspaper. I think that would definitely get someone’s attention… but I don’t know anything about writing a newspaper article. Blogging is something completely different. Blogging is just me putting my thoughts on the computer.
Writing an article should NOT be about me whining about “poor me” to the press. It needs to be more professional than that, and I’m not sure I’m up to it.
So, I have recruited the help of one person to write something, but I am always open to suggestions.
Finally, I wanted to ask that anyone that reads this and has a blog… please add a link to my page!
If any of my other readers know anyone that might be interested in reading my story,
please e-mail,
tweet,
text message,
or put a link on their facebook of my blog.
I would love to have more readers. I think it is bound to get someone’s attention, if enough people know what is going on.
The State of Florida has actually told me that it isn’t their problem because they don’t work for me. They work for the "custodial parent.”
HELLO! They are supposed to be working for my child! Taking all of my money so that I can’t even drive out to see my child is not helping her at all!
So, I figure that if I have a lot of readers, someone, somewhere, may be able to offer advice on what to do, or who I can turn to. Thanks in advance for everyone’s help!!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Just a Clown in His Circus
Happy Monday everyone! I was going to blog about my current humorous situation, but I feel that I need to give a little background information before we get started...
We were divorced in Feb. 2008.
I was finishing chemo & radiation, had just been hospitalized for alcoholism, and did not have a job. Without that breakdown, I don’t know if I would’ve had the courage to leave the situation I was in.
** Side note… I am not an alcoholic. There were a lot of bad things happening in my life at the time, and I was not dealing very well with all of it. I was hiding. This was my (wrong) way of dealing, and basically it led to the breakdown. Now that I am away from that situation, I don’t have any problem with having a beer now and then, or a glass of wine.
But, I finally left in October 2007, rented a room in a house for $500/month, and got a full time job. The full time job barely allowed me enough money to cover my rent, car payment, insurance, and food. Because of that, I did not have money for a lawyer. I spoke to several, who would not give me the time of day, because I had no money. So, needless to say, my ex and his lawyer steamrolled me and he got everything, including the house, furniture, and children. Also, they said that I have to pay him $500/month in child support.
Wait a minute... shouldn't he be paying me alimony? We were married for 10 years, and I should be getting money from him for the fact that I couldn't hold down a decent career. I got out of the Navy for our family, we moved all over the world, so a career was out of the question, and it wasn’t him taking care of our children! But no, none of that was even considered. Nor was the fact that there was no way in hell that I could afford $500/month to him, plus support myself. I even worked two jobs... to no avail.
So, there were some months that I wasn't able to give him all of it. There were even a few months that I wasn't able to give him any money at all. BUT, I did take out several cash advances (HUGE interest rate) on my credit cards and paid him that way. I gave that man every spare dime that I had. Even after Chuck and I moved in together, thinking it would help my situation, we still couldn’t make it together. Finally, at the verge of being evicted, we moved to GA to live with Chuck's sister, because we could no longer support ourselves while paying my ex husband. I had to stop seeing my children on a regular basis in order to be able to pay him. So, that's what I did.
Then, in August 2009, the ex called the State of Florida and told them that I had NEVER paid him any child support at all! Completely untrue. The State of Florida never gave me the opportunity to defend myself, or show where I had been paying him. When I called them, trying to fix the situation, they were ALWAYS very snotty with me and treated me like I was a criminal. I was even told by one person, "Ma'am, we don't work for you. We work for your ex husband because he is the custodial parent." In other words, nothing I said mattered because my kids didn't live at my house. That automatically made me into the bad person.
Never mind what my situation was when I left.
Never mind that I did what I thought would be best for my children.
Never mind that there is no way I could afford to pay that much money each month, no matter how much I did or didn't want to.
Never mind that I live off of graham crackers and peanut butter while he uses the money I send to pay for his house payment, his wedding, two Harley Davidson’s and an RV.
Never mind that our older daughter has been living with me for over a year now, and I am still paying him child support for her.
Never mind that in August 2010, I had filed all the paperwork required to stop Ashleigh’s child support, have the amount for Carley adjusted, and show where I had paid him support during the time he claims that I didn’t, and it still isn’t fixed.
Never mind that they take $600/month out of my Gas Incorporated check every month.
And now, I got a second job, in order to improve my own situation, until the lawyer can get this straightened out, and what happens? The State of Florida actually took money out of that check, too! Seriously? My paycheck should have been over $200, and it was $93. I was livid. I called them, and the (snotty) woman tells me that any time I am hired somewhere, it throws up a flag on my case, and they start taking money out of that check because they assume I switched jobs.
Did anyone bother to ask me if I changed jobs? NO.
Did anyone bother to contact Gas Inc. to see if I was still employed there? NO.
They just assume that I quit a perfectly good full time job to take up with a part time job that barely pays minimum wage. Why would I do that?
You know what they say about people that “assume,” don’t you? I believe the same can be applied to the State of Florida.
So, she says that she will send a message to Michael’s and let them know to stop taking child support out of my paychecks. Well, thank you very much.
Anyways, so I tell her that the money from Gas Inc. went to paying my lawyer and other bills, and I was going to have to live off of my Michael’s paycheck for the next two weeks. That was sort-of the point of getting a second job. Since they took most of that, I only have $93 to live off of. So, when can I expect to receive a check back from the state? She tells me that it will go into an account, and at the end of the month, they review how much money I have paid, and then decide whether to send it to me or my ex husband.
Well, my ex husband falsely claims that I owe him thousands of dollars, and still has me paying for a child that is nearly 20 years old and has been living with me for over a year. Who do you think they’re going to send it to? But go ahead. Send it to him. He clearly needs it worse than I do. Without that money, how on earth will he ever put gas in his motorcycle? My butt was getting big anyways. I should just stop eating. Taking away my money will help me do just that. Thank you very much.
So. $93 to last me two weeks. Super. But, I can do this. I always find a way. I have Chuck to help support me. I am a resourceful woman. If my life has taught me anything, it is how to fend for myself when I have to. I figure out everything I can cut out of my life, and decide that I will just use it for gas and hope that Monica doesn’t get too mad at me for eating all of her food.
THEN, I get up on Sunday morning to go to work at Michael’s. I am not even joking… the battery on my jeep is completely and utterly dead.
ARE YOU FRIGGING KIDDING ME WITH THIS???
So, Chuck uses Monica’s van to jump it and we go over to Auto Zone and they test it. Yup, sure enough… Dead as a doornail. Time to buy a new one. That’s going to be $97, thank you very much.
Did you just do that math in your head? Let me help you. I received $93 paycheck and pay out $97 for a battery. Damn. At this point, it’s just funny. It’s a joke. My life is a running joke. Everyone is always asking about the meaning of life. Well, I don’t know about yours, but the meaning of MY life is to make God laugh.
Here I am.
Just a clown in his circus.
The really funny part is that my weekend isn’t over yet.
So, we get the battery replaced, I take Chuck home, and head into work. I drive the 45 minutes to get there, and I’m in the break room, about to clock in, and I decide to look at the schedule to see who else I’ll be working with… Hold the phone… I’m not on today’s schedule. Really? I know for a FACT that I was scheduled to work on Sunday… for TWO reasons.
So, how mad am I that I just spent $25 in gas (when I'm SO broke) to drive to work when they could’ve just TOLD me that they took me off for that day? Worse yet, I just worked on Saturday, but they couldn’t have told me then? Not one person told me that I’d been removed from the schedule. In fact, if I had not looked at the schedule before clocking in, I would’ve just clocked in! And then, I would have been given a point for clocking in when I wasn’t on the schedule. You can only earn 6 points in 6 months before being fired.
Yeah, I was mad. But honestly, I can only stay mad for so long before I start laughing. It’s not one of those laughs like someone told you a funny joke. It’s one of those maniacal laughs. Like I’ve just lost my mind and it’s the most hilarious thing in the world. I’m laughing so hard that I’m crying, which is good because if I wasn’t crying from laughing, I’d be crying from my life. I’m not kidding. I couldn't make this stuff up if I'd tried.
Very funny, God. Very funny.
We were divorced in Feb. 2008.
I was finishing chemo & radiation, had just been hospitalized for alcoholism, and did not have a job. Without that breakdown, I don’t know if I would’ve had the courage to leave the situation I was in.
** Side note… I am not an alcoholic. There were a lot of bad things happening in my life at the time, and I was not dealing very well with all of it. I was hiding. This was my (wrong) way of dealing, and basically it led to the breakdown. Now that I am away from that situation, I don’t have any problem with having a beer now and then, or a glass of wine.
But, I finally left in October 2007, rented a room in a house for $500/month, and got a full time job. The full time job barely allowed me enough money to cover my rent, car payment, insurance, and food. Because of that, I did not have money for a lawyer. I spoke to several, who would not give me the time of day, because I had no money. So, needless to say, my ex and his lawyer steamrolled me and he got everything, including the house, furniture, and children. Also, they said that I have to pay him $500/month in child support.
Wait a minute... shouldn't he be paying me alimony? We were married for 10 years, and I should be getting money from him for the fact that I couldn't hold down a decent career. I got out of the Navy for our family, we moved all over the world, so a career was out of the question, and it wasn’t him taking care of our children! But no, none of that was even considered. Nor was the fact that there was no way in hell that I could afford $500/month to him, plus support myself. I even worked two jobs... to no avail.
So, there were some months that I wasn't able to give him all of it. There were even a few months that I wasn't able to give him any money at all. BUT, I did take out several cash advances (HUGE interest rate) on my credit cards and paid him that way. I gave that man every spare dime that I had. Even after Chuck and I moved in together, thinking it would help my situation, we still couldn’t make it together. Finally, at the verge of being evicted, we moved to GA to live with Chuck's sister, because we could no longer support ourselves while paying my ex husband. I had to stop seeing my children on a regular basis in order to be able to pay him. So, that's what I did.
Then, in August 2009, the ex called the State of Florida and told them that I had NEVER paid him any child support at all! Completely untrue. The State of Florida never gave me the opportunity to defend myself, or show where I had been paying him. When I called them, trying to fix the situation, they were ALWAYS very snotty with me and treated me like I was a criminal. I was even told by one person, "Ma'am, we don't work for you. We work for your ex husband because he is the custodial parent." In other words, nothing I said mattered because my kids didn't live at my house. That automatically made me into the bad person.
Never mind what my situation was when I left.
Never mind that I did what I thought would be best for my children.
Never mind that there is no way I could afford to pay that much money each month, no matter how much I did or didn't want to.
Never mind that I live off of graham crackers and peanut butter while he uses the money I send to pay for his house payment, his wedding, two Harley Davidson’s and an RV.
Never mind that our older daughter has been living with me for over a year now, and I am still paying him child support for her.
Never mind that in August 2010, I had filed all the paperwork required to stop Ashleigh’s child support, have the amount for Carley adjusted, and show where I had paid him support during the time he claims that I didn’t, and it still isn’t fixed.
Never mind that they take $600/month out of my Gas Incorporated check every month.
And now, I got a second job, in order to improve my own situation, until the lawyer can get this straightened out, and what happens? The State of Florida actually took money out of that check, too! Seriously? My paycheck should have been over $200, and it was $93. I was livid. I called them, and the (snotty) woman tells me that any time I am hired somewhere, it throws up a flag on my case, and they start taking money out of that check because they assume I switched jobs.
Did anyone bother to ask me if I changed jobs? NO.
Did anyone bother to contact Gas Inc. to see if I was still employed there? NO.
They just assume that I quit a perfectly good full time job to take up with a part time job that barely pays minimum wage. Why would I do that?
You know what they say about people that “assume,” don’t you? I believe the same can be applied to the State of Florida.
So, she says that she will send a message to Michael’s and let them know to stop taking child support out of my paychecks. Well, thank you very much.
Anyways, so I tell her that the money from Gas Inc. went to paying my lawyer and other bills, and I was going to have to live off of my Michael’s paycheck for the next two weeks. That was sort-of the point of getting a second job. Since they took most of that, I only have $93 to live off of. So, when can I expect to receive a check back from the state? She tells me that it will go into an account, and at the end of the month, they review how much money I have paid, and then decide whether to send it to me or my ex husband.
Well, my ex husband falsely claims that I owe him thousands of dollars, and still has me paying for a child that is nearly 20 years old and has been living with me for over a year. Who do you think they’re going to send it to? But go ahead. Send it to him. He clearly needs it worse than I do. Without that money, how on earth will he ever put gas in his motorcycle? My butt was getting big anyways. I should just stop eating. Taking away my money will help me do just that. Thank you very much.
So. $93 to last me two weeks. Super. But, I can do this. I always find a way. I have Chuck to help support me. I am a resourceful woman. If my life has taught me anything, it is how to fend for myself when I have to. I figure out everything I can cut out of my life, and decide that I will just use it for gas and hope that Monica doesn’t get too mad at me for eating all of her food.
THEN, I get up on Sunday morning to go to work at Michael’s. I am not even joking… the battery on my jeep is completely and utterly dead.
ARE YOU FRIGGING KIDDING ME WITH THIS???
So, Chuck uses Monica’s van to jump it and we go over to Auto Zone and they test it. Yup, sure enough… Dead as a doornail. Time to buy a new one. That’s going to be $97, thank you very much.
Did you just do that math in your head? Let me help you. I received $93 paycheck and pay out $97 for a battery. Damn. At this point, it’s just funny. It’s a joke. My life is a running joke. Everyone is always asking about the meaning of life. Well, I don’t know about yours, but the meaning of MY life is to make God laugh.
Here I am.
Just a clown in his circus.
The really funny part is that my weekend isn’t over yet.
So, we get the battery replaced, I take Chuck home, and head into work. I drive the 45 minutes to get there, and I’m in the break room, about to clock in, and I decide to look at the schedule to see who else I’ll be working with… Hold the phone… I’m not on today’s schedule. Really? I know for a FACT that I was scheduled to work on Sunday… for TWO reasons.
1. I always work on both Saturday and Sunday.
2. I looked my schedule up on the internet (the Michael’s HR website) and it had me scheduled.
So, how mad am I that I just spent $25 in gas (when I'm SO broke) to drive to work when they could’ve just TOLD me that they took me off for that day? Worse yet, I just worked on Saturday, but they couldn’t have told me then? Not one person told me that I’d been removed from the schedule. In fact, if I had not looked at the schedule before clocking in, I would’ve just clocked in! And then, I would have been given a point for clocking in when I wasn’t on the schedule. You can only earn 6 points in 6 months before being fired.
Yeah, I was mad. But honestly, I can only stay mad for so long before I start laughing. It’s not one of those laughs like someone told you a funny joke. It’s one of those maniacal laughs. Like I’ve just lost my mind and it’s the most hilarious thing in the world. I’m laughing so hard that I’m crying, which is good because if I wasn’t crying from laughing, I’d be crying from my life. I’m not kidding. I couldn't make this stuff up if I'd tried.
Very funny, God. Very funny.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Dark Cloud
I can feel it. I could feel it right after I dropped Carley off in Florida. It's a good thing Ashleigh made the trip back with me, or I would have cried for a large part of the ride back to Jasper. I've done that before. It's a dark cloud. I don't know how else to explain it, without it sounding all dramatic and dreary. It's sadness that I can't keep away. It happens every time I have to give Carley back. Even now, I just want to burst into tears.
I know in my heart that my divorce was the correct thing to do. That was never a question. I could not stay married in that enviroment. Honestly, if Tim were truthful to himself, he would agree. We were like cancer to eachother. It was unhealthy for me, for him, and for the girls. So, divorce was the right thing to do.
Ever since then, however, I can't seem to get my life back on track. I fight depression constantly. I play mind games with guilt and remorse. I missed both my girls, and now that Ash is here with me, I'm happy, but that's only one of them. I feel sad because I didn't take them with me in the first place, even though I know for a fact that I wasn't able to at that time. I didn't know where I was going to go. How could I take them? To live in my jeep? Tear them away from the home and friends and schools that they knew so they could live with me... Who-knows-where?? So, I do think that it was the correct decision at the time. I love my girls so much that I try to overlook what I want (I want THEM!!) in order to give them what I feel is best. I feel that a stable living environment is the best thing for them. So, they stayed with their Dad.
Oh, I know what people say. I know what people that used to be my friends say. I know what people in my own family say. They weren't there, though. Moneyless, homeless, jobless. So why did I leave? Without getting into a bashing party, let's just say that it was an unfit environment to be in while trying to fight cancer. Undergoing chemo and radiation therapies and also fighting in this marriage did not go well. So, I had to leave.
I've had so many people judge me as soon as they hear that I left my children. They think I'm a bad mother. They think I have no maternal instinct. They think I'm selfish. They think I must have some sort of horrible drug addiction. They think so many things. People that claim to be my friends will talk about other women that do not have custody of their kids. They say negative things about these women, and then when I point out my own situation, they are quick to say that I am different from that other person. How can they judge? They only hear the Dad's side of that divorce, so they are quick to talk about that woman. So many people are saying similar things about me. They have no idea what I've been facing over the past three years. They only hear what Tim tells them (and he's angry, so I'm sure it's nothing nice).
OF COURSE I WANT MY CHILD LIVING WITH ME!! I'd be crazy not to! She is a piece of me. A piece of my soul. I am hollow without her in my life every single day. I constantly feel like I'm drowning. I am always wondering what she is doing "right now." I miss her so badly that it hurts. Some things really should just kill you.
But, when I see her again, I see how she's grown. How happy she is. The nice clothes she has. She tells me about the things that they do. Her friends and teachers at school. "Family vacations" that they've been on or have planned. She is so beautiful, smart, and well-adjusted. How can I step in at this time and try to take her out of that home? She has a Dad and Step-Mom all in one house. She is in a family. She is happy.
I know for a fact that my life is a random, messy spiral. It has been ever since my divorce. I try like hell to fix it, but it doesn't seem to be working. I live with someone, but I have no intentions of getting married again. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to trust someone like that again. I don't know what is happening in my life from month to month. I don't know where I'll be living a month from now. I don't know when I'll ever be able to take a trip to visit family/friends again because of money issues.
I can't force that kind of life on my little girl, and I doubt she would want to live like that. I can't keep her in the nice clothes that she wears now. With me, it would be WalMart, Target, and Goodwill clothes, because that's what I wear. With me, it would be "trips" to free places like the lake, not Disney Cruises and flights to Texas. I look at my little girl and know that I want her to live with me so much, but I know that it would be very wrong of me to try to take her away from what she has in her life right now. It would be selfish of me.
If I have learned nothing else in my life, I have learned that I can't always have what I want, and sometimes I have to think of what is better for someone else.
So, unfortunately, I don't think I'll be fighting for custody of Carley. I will continue to try to see her as often as possible. I am working on fixing the whole child support issue that is going on because it's stupid. I am still paying child support for Ash, even though she graduated over a year ago and has been living with me ever since. Oh, and the fact that Tim made a claim that I had not been paying at all, when I was, so they started taking money directly out of my paycheck without any type of investigation. But I will not take Carley out of the happy home that she is in... Unless she gets old enough to decide and actually asks to live with me. Even then, I would make she is certain that it is what she wants, before fighting for her. I don't want her to move in with me and then regret it.
This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to decide to do (or not do). This was not a decision that I've taken lightly. I would appreciate it if people only leave positive comments. I can not deal with judgemental people right now. If you do not have anything nice to say to me, then please do not say anything at all. Thank you in advance for that consideration.
I know in my heart that my divorce was the correct thing to do. That was never a question. I could not stay married in that enviroment. Honestly, if Tim were truthful to himself, he would agree. We were like cancer to eachother. It was unhealthy for me, for him, and for the girls. So, divorce was the right thing to do.
Ever since then, however, I can't seem to get my life back on track. I fight depression constantly. I play mind games with guilt and remorse. I missed both my girls, and now that Ash is here with me, I'm happy, but that's only one of them. I feel sad because I didn't take them with me in the first place, even though I know for a fact that I wasn't able to at that time. I didn't know where I was going to go. How could I take them? To live in my jeep? Tear them away from the home and friends and schools that they knew so they could live with me... Who-knows-where?? So, I do think that it was the correct decision at the time. I love my girls so much that I try to overlook what I want (I want THEM!!) in order to give them what I feel is best. I feel that a stable living environment is the best thing for them. So, they stayed with their Dad.
Oh, I know what people say. I know what people that used to be my friends say. I know what people in my own family say. They weren't there, though. Moneyless, homeless, jobless. So why did I leave? Without getting into a bashing party, let's just say that it was an unfit environment to be in while trying to fight cancer. Undergoing chemo and radiation therapies and also fighting in this marriage did not go well. So, I had to leave.
I've had so many people judge me as soon as they hear that I left my children. They think I'm a bad mother. They think I have no maternal instinct. They think I'm selfish. They think I must have some sort of horrible drug addiction. They think so many things. People that claim to be my friends will talk about other women that do not have custody of their kids. They say negative things about these women, and then when I point out my own situation, they are quick to say that I am different from that other person. How can they judge? They only hear the Dad's side of that divorce, so they are quick to talk about that woman. So many people are saying similar things about me. They have no idea what I've been facing over the past three years. They only hear what Tim tells them (and he's angry, so I'm sure it's nothing nice).
OF COURSE I WANT MY CHILD LIVING WITH ME!! I'd be crazy not to! She is a piece of me. A piece of my soul. I am hollow without her in my life every single day. I constantly feel like I'm drowning. I am always wondering what she is doing "right now." I miss her so badly that it hurts. Some things really should just kill you.
But, when I see her again, I see how she's grown. How happy she is. The nice clothes she has. She tells me about the things that they do. Her friends and teachers at school. "Family vacations" that they've been on or have planned. She is so beautiful, smart, and well-adjusted. How can I step in at this time and try to take her out of that home? She has a Dad and Step-Mom all in one house. She is in a family. She is happy.
I know for a fact that my life is a random, messy spiral. It has been ever since my divorce. I try like hell to fix it, but it doesn't seem to be working. I live with someone, but I have no intentions of getting married again. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to trust someone like that again. I don't know what is happening in my life from month to month. I don't know where I'll be living a month from now. I don't know when I'll ever be able to take a trip to visit family/friends again because of money issues.
I can't force that kind of life on my little girl, and I doubt she would want to live like that. I can't keep her in the nice clothes that she wears now. With me, it would be WalMart, Target, and Goodwill clothes, because that's what I wear. With me, it would be "trips" to free places like the lake, not Disney Cruises and flights to Texas. I look at my little girl and know that I want her to live with me so much, but I know that it would be very wrong of me to try to take her away from what she has in her life right now. It would be selfish of me.
If I have learned nothing else in my life, I have learned that I can't always have what I want, and sometimes I have to think of what is better for someone else.
So, unfortunately, I don't think I'll be fighting for custody of Carley. I will continue to try to see her as often as possible. I am working on fixing the whole child support issue that is going on because it's stupid. I am still paying child support for Ash, even though she graduated over a year ago and has been living with me ever since. Oh, and the fact that Tim made a claim that I had not been paying at all, when I was, so they started taking money directly out of my paycheck without any type of investigation. But I will not take Carley out of the happy home that she is in... Unless she gets old enough to decide and actually asks to live with me. Even then, I would make she is certain that it is what she wants, before fighting for her. I don't want her to move in with me and then regret it.
This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to decide to do (or not do). This was not a decision that I've taken lightly. I would appreciate it if people only leave positive comments. I can not deal with judgemental people right now. If you do not have anything nice to say to me, then please do not say anything at all. Thank you in advance for that consideration.
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