Good morning, fellow campers! Today is Friday, the sun is shining, the birds are singing... and I overslept and missed my ride to work.
WTF? I can't believe I did that. I'm never late for work! I guess it was my body's way of telling me that I just needed the rest. With all the stress in my life lately, working two jobs, and my dog keeping me awake due to thunderstorms the night before last, I guess it caught up to me. But, I feel like a new woman!
As I'm sure you've figured out, every day is a different mood with me. Living with me must be like a roller coaster ride. I get bogged down by stresses that are probably no big deal to other people, but I'm a Libra, and I over-analyze things to death. I can't control it. It's like OCD inside my head. Then, I try with every ounce of my being to get myself out of that dark hole, and be happy like everyone else. So, today is a good day. Don't get me wrong, my problems aren't all fixed. But I've been trying really hard to just pull myself up by the boot straps and "rub some dirt on it." I'm trying to follow the advice of others and see the positive side of things.
I can do this.
My very first post in this blog stated that I was scared to death, and I meant it. I'm afraid of not having my own place. I'm afraid of moving in with my boyfriend's family. I'm afraid of what it could do to our relationship. If it means the end of our relationship, I'm afraid of being single again. The feelings of rejection, lonliness... ugh! I don't even want to think about it!
But, I've got to do something. I need to suck up my fears and plow through head-first.
A couple of things have happened lately that have helped me lift my chin a little higher. It's funny how your friends can tell you day in and day out about the kind of person they think you are. All the positive encouragement in the world from your friends doesn't add up to one random remark made by a complete stranger:
I have a customer that I've talked to several times on the phone, and I've never really liked him. He's always just struck some kind of nerve with me. Well, he came into the office today, and I met him for the first time in person. The whole time we were talking, he was still hitting that nerve, so I couldn't wait for him to leave. As he was walking out the door, he turns to me and says, "Brenda, you are such a pleasure to communicate with. You have a headstrong attitude and know how to move forward and get things done. That says a lot for your character. Thank you for making this company so easy to work with." WOW! Didn't see that coming! Maybe he's not my least favorite person after all...
Then, last night, on the bulletin board at Michael's (as you walk into the store) my manager put a sign on it that said (in big letters), "Brenda's first day was super busy, but she totally rocked. We're happy to have you join our team!" That made me smile, because I am really enjoying working there!
Finally, last night, Chuck and I had a chance to talk a little bit about the things going on in our lives. Our problems aren't solved, but just being able to finally get him to talk with me made me feel so much better. We don't always communicate well, so I really appreciated that he just directed his attention to me, without the TV on, or playing on the computer, or cooking dinner, or anything else. We just laid in bed and talked. I needed that. Of course, the ending of the conversation went something like this:
ME: I'm sorry I can be such a pain in the ass sometimes.
HIM: And I'm sorry for all the names I call you in my head.
[pause]
ME: You're smart for keeping them in your head.
HIM: Oh, I know!
I guess as long as we can still laugh together, then maybe things will be ok after all. I guess I'll just have to stick around to find out...
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