Thursday, August 14, 2014

RIP Dee Oh Jee

I had to put my beautiful dog to sleep the other night. He had cancer, and he was at the point where they couldn't save him.

I am heartbroken. I'm learning how nearly every aspect of my day at the house revolved around him. Getting out of bed to let him out in the mornings, I am careful of where I step, so I don't step on him.... and then realize he is no longer there.
Leaving for work, we close the bedroom door, move the blanket off the couch, make sure there is food and water for him, and open the door to let him outside.... all without even thinking about it.
I walk into the kitchen and glance down, expecting him to be there with his big brown eyes, floppy lopsided ears up, and an expectant look on his face.... but he isn't there.

I feel hollow, empty inside.

He was 12 years old, and was my best friend.
He listened intently and hung on my every word no matter what was happening in my life.
He let me hug him close when I had a bad day, never minding if my tears landed on his soft fur, letting me plant kisses right between his eyes.
He followed me around the house like a shadow, and nudged the bathroom door open to make sure the hair dryer never won our morning battle.
He snuggled when I didn't feel well, barked for treats when I was too slow, and played mediator when people got too noisy in the house.
He was a gentle soul who never hurt anyone. I've even seen him allow a toddler to pull on handfuls of his fur at the park, and he just looked at the child with love.
He loved hiking in the woods (peeing on everything he could get close to), and camping (because he always got food scraps).
He did not like being in water. The beach, baths, rain, or any other reason to get wet.... He just never understood the need for it!

He loved belly rubs, ear scratches, and always managed to give you a kiss for it.

He slept on a Dora the Explorer blanket, snuggled my flip flops, and sneaked onto the couch when we weren't at home.

And he loved the kids. I can't tell you how many times I have argued with the 2 year old about whose dog he really was.

Now we have to break this terrible news to the children. I don't even know where to begin...

My favorite story is how people would ask what kind of dog he was. I would look them in the eye and say, "a Miniature Retriever."
Of course, there is no such thing... but people are funny. Either you hear someone honestly confess that they had never heard of one, or suddenly they have some distant friend or relative that also has one....

But really... he was Mine. He came from Spain, and managed to push his way into my heart when I didn't want a dog, and didn't think I needed one. Turns out, I needed him more that I thought...

Someday, my heart will stop hurting, but I will always love him for what he brought into my life.... compassion, patience, and love....

Wednesday, August 13, 2014


This is something a friend sent me today... Skim over the article, and you can immediately see what it is about. My response to my friend follows after....

Here is an interesting response to Al Sharptons DEMANDING the identity of the police officer that shot the teenager. I found this on Yahoo! news and felt it too interesting to not share.

If there are 5 blacks per 100 people, everyone applauds how integrated the community is.

At 5-10% black there is an occasional spike in loudness, but it's usually isolated and brief. People are usually too embarrassed to say anything, and it temporarily abates.

At 10-20% black, these problems rise dramatically. People occasionally hear loud hip-hop music from a passing vehicle, usually later & later at night, as an outgoing signal of rising 'blackness' in the community.
Pasadena, California — Black 10.7% (figures are 2011)
Manhattan, New York — Black 12.9%

At 20-30% black, the loudness & behavior is so disruptive that well-meaning families begin to stop going to certain public areas. Black-on-black fights occur to establish dominance, and fights between black females occur in parking lots, usually over a black male.
Boston, Massachusetts — Black 24.4%
Tampa, Florida — Black 26.2%

At 30-40% minor public incidents give way to more serious crimes, and somewhere in the community the first felonies occur at the hands of blacks, targeting the elderly or defenseless.
Fort Lauderdale, Florida — Black 30.9%
Compton, Los Angeles — Black 32.9%
Willowbrook, Los Angeles — Black 34.4%

40-60% sees an atmosphere that is so loud, fast, & unpredictable that it interferes with peaceful activity. At this stage people's gut sense of "safety" in the community is eroding. Anticipating the unexpected starts to factor into simple decisions like going to the store or getting into one's car.
Inglewood, Los Angeles — Black 43.9%
Philadelphia — Black 44%
South Chicago — Black 50.2%
Carol City, Florida — Black 52.1%

60-75% black: expect covert drug use, and concealed guns. Good families are moving away. At this stage hip-hop emanating from cars is now an advertisement for illegal drug sales.
Opa-locka, Florida - Black 69.6% (In 2004 Opa-locka had the highest rate of violent crime for any city in the United States.)
Ladera Heights, California — Black 73.7%
Overtown, Miami — Black 74.7%

Now, at 75-85% black, walking down the street is now a risk. Find hair-trigger, unprovoked violence, usually targeted against those of non-black race. Calls to 9-1-1 demonstrate slower & slower response times. Local businesses deteriorate, as does the general condition of the neighborhood. The last of the liberal, die-hard families vacate the community whose memories they have cherished for decades.
East Garfield Park, Chicago — Black 75.5%
Brightmoor, Detroit — Black 82.7%
Gary, Indiana — Black 84%
Metcalfe Park, Milwaukee — Black 84.1%
Shaw, Washington D.C. — Black 84.8%

At 85-95% black, the public institutions in the area (schools, libraries, etc.) slowly wither from lack of use. Consumer places (food stores, day-care centers, etc.) show graffiti & territorial gang signs, and gang membership now outweighs the number of non-gang people. Drug sales & prostitution are open and obvious. A gunshot is heard every week. All businesses which are still in operation (liquor stores, stereo wholesalers, etc.) have bars on their windows.
Highland park, Detroit — Black 93.5%
Liberty City, Florida — Black 94.6%

At 95-100% black, there is debris everywhere. A large number of dwellings are ruined or burned-out. At this stage, the economy of the community is nearing total collapse, and good jobs are scarce. Emergency services infrequently patrol for fear of risking officers' lives.
Bronzeville, Milwaukee — Black 96.2%
Washington Heights, Chicago — Black 97.2%
Franklin Park, Florida — Black 97.6%
Englewood, Chicago — Black 100%
The name of the neighborhood is now synonymous with violence & gangs. At this stage the spread of this condition bears characteristics similar to the unchecked spread of a virus, and adjacent communities begin to show signs of following suit.

My response:

Wow. This is possibly the most racist article I have ever read. I have nothing against people of other races, however, I do have something against people writing and publishing articles like this, trying to just feed into the whole race war situation. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I don't need a bunch of "statistics" telling be how black people ruined their neighborhood. It's all a bunch of bullshit numbers crunched into an article trying to persuade it's readers to their side.

You have heard the saying... "75% of all statistics are made up (including this one)."

Just because someone put this on the Internet, doesn't make it true or accurate. Where are all of these supposedly accurate statistics even coming from? What is the source?

I work with a high number of black people, and various other races, and never have I felt unsafe, even at night, walking to my car in the parking lot. There are bad people all over.

What about largely hispanic neighborhoods?
Or trailer parks full of rednecks?
What about white teenage rich boys that just like to cause suffering for the "lower classes?"

There is crime and danger in all of those areas. This study merely focuses and singles out one specific race.

I'm not saying they don't have problems in the black community. What I am saying is that the writer singled out only black,  instead of doing any type of across the board comparison.

These are just my opinions on the article. I'm not trying to be difficult. I just feel like, as long as articles like this are passed around, it is just feeding into the race agenda. If people weren't always making such a big deal about races, it would be less of a deal.

I dunno. Just my opinion.

Being a Mom is Complicated

You see people all the time, commending men when they take on any kind of out-of-the-norm parenting role. Single dad, raising step-kids, winning custody of their children in a divorce, etc. But when do the moms get some sort of credit? Why isn't that stuff just expected of dads, like it is moms?

Here's the thing. I adopted my step daughter when she was 3. I was 19 and took on someone else's child, still being just a child myself. I also have a biological daughter as well. I gave custody of them to my husband in our divorce. I did not fight for them, and only got to see them every other weekend. On the surface, that makes me look like a bad mom. I am uncaring... a terrible mother! But ask me about it. I gave up my kids because he had the house. He had the money and the means. He had his health. I gave them up for many of the same reasons that dads do it. I felt that it was the best thing for these two little people that I cared so much about!

When we split, I figured that the divorce would be hard enough on my kids without removing them from their home, their school, their friends. I didn't know where I was going to stay, and in fact, lived out of my vehicle for a couple of weeks! Was I supposed to bring my children into that? In addition, I was still undergoing chemo and radiation therapies for cancer. Who would care for my children when it took all I had to care for myself?

I have been called so many things: survivor, courageous, strong...  because I made it through cancer. But what should have killed me, was giving up my daughters! I cried myself to sleep every night for nearly a year. My chest hurt... I could feel actual pain... like someone was ripping out my heart with their bare hands. I worried about who was reading them bedtime stories, packing their lunches, making sure they brushed their teeth and got to bed on time... It was labor to even breathe without them most days! But I did it. They had everything that they needed. Things that I could never have provided for them. As much as it hurt, I know I did the right thing.

Now, 8 years later, both of my girls are thriving, intelligent, beautiful young ladies that I couldn't be more proud of! I pray that they can understand why I did what I did someday, and aren't too angry at me for the choices that I made.

They just need to know that they are loved.

Nobody Listens

Have you ever felt like nobody hears what you are saying?
I am sure that everyone has felt like this at some point or another in their lives.
But have you felt like this all the time? I always have, my whole life. I feel just ignored and kicked aside. Useless in others' eyes.
My parents did it to me while I was growing up; my ex husband did it for the whole decade-plus that we were together; my boyfriend, kids and co workers do it to me now. No matter what the situation, if I feel like I have an idea, or something to offer to the situation, I speak up.
Invariably, whomever I am talking to will immediately dismiss me, tell me how there is "no way" my idea would work, and then continue to struggle without giving it a try. And more times than not, the person will eventually try my idea (not even aware that I had thought of it), see that it worked, and make a huge deal about how they thought of it!!
Are you kidding me right now?
I don't know if my grasp of the English language is just that bad, that I don't get my point across...
Or people these days are just so busy thinking about what they will say next that they don't even hear my input and immediately shoot it down...
Or if there is just something about me that just voids any respectability that my ideas may hold.
By no means do I consider myself a genius, but I did score a 97 on the ASVAB (military entrance exam). Just to clue you in, in order to go to Nuke School, the average ASVAB score is only an 80+. So, I'm not dumb, either.
So why do people just dismiss me no matter what? It frustrates me when I am treated like that, and then I just stop wanting anything to do with the project. I become stubborn and refuse to help. Often times, I now just step back and let the person struggle. Why try to help someone that has shown time and again that my suggestions mean nothing to them?
I don't know why exactly I wrote this post. Just to vent my frustration, I guess, as much good as it will do me!
What is it about a person (my boyfriend, for instance) that people will listen to him, but not to me? If I do not have a valid idea, I am not going to waste my time telling you about what I think.
But... these days, I think I'm done telling people what I think anyways. What is the point? Besides, it's entertaining to watch them struggle....