I got a phone call today.
The memories came flooding back.
It all seems too familiar.
I ran and ran until the crying stopped,
Trying to outrun the terror.
Gasping for air, I made my way home.
I took a shower after,
To cry and cry some more.
I sat on the floor, begging for help.
But no one came,
So I cried again.
I drove to work.
Spent the shift pretending
There was no call at all.
There was no panic in the shower.
Life moves forward.
Nobody can know.
Don't tell anyone.
It makes them uncomfortable.
They don't know what to say,
So they say it's probably not true.
Or they change the conversation
To themselves.
My fear is tossed aside
In order to make them feel better.
They try not to think about it.
I've been here before.
I know this game.
Until I have answers,
I have no answers.
They downplay my feelings.
My fears are tossed aside.
It's easier than talking.
Meanwhile, I continue to type.
Only this notebook listens.
Only it can hear my pain and see my fear.
Only I can wait for my own fate.
The clock ticks on while I wait.
