Everyone in my family that I had spoken to so far about my grandmother's illness has told me that my dad wasn't handling it very well. My grandma's decision so far, is to not do anything to fight the cancer. My cousin, my sister, and my grandma all said that my dad complained about her "giving up," and then just sort of retreated into himself.
When I talked to him today, he seemed fine. He understood her decision, and even said that it would probably be the same choice he would make for himself.
It was good for me to hear him say it. Considering the fact that that I had cancer, fought it, and beat it... I'm having a hard time coming to terms. Of course, I was 31 and she is 83, so logically, it makes sense. My brain understands her choice and knows it is smart. My heart is selfish and is begging her to do everything possible. It hurts.
I guess I just need people to keep telling me that it's the right choice. Maybe my heart will come around.
Sometimes, when you are really sad, you just need to make a phone call, only to hear a specific voice. It doesn't matter what you talk about. You just need that voice in your ear.... because it fills your soul... I made that call today, and I am so glad that I did! <3