Over the years, like anyone, I have underwent so many changes in life. My struggles aren't any worse or more important than the next person. Mine are just different.
Because of that, I've been told by several people that I should write a book about my experiences. Other people, they say, may be interested in what I have been through; and how I, personally, delt with life's challenges. I pushed the idea around in my head for a very long time. Other than this blog, what do I know about writing? And not a lot of people even read this!
Self doubt can be a crippling disease.
So is it worth all the work involved, only to risk failure?
I finally decided that maybe it would be. If my story can help one child deal with the fears of adoption.... one woman better face a cancer diagnosis... one stepmom find her path easier... then maybe yes. It would be worth it.
So, I began to brainstorm and put a tell able order to my life. I want to remember all of the really great stories to keep it funny, because the not so funny parts could get really hard to read for anyone experiencing what I went through.
Here is what I've come up with so far:
The first really important thing that I've learned in life is that things always get better. Of course, my luck being what it is, it always gets worse before it gets better.... but there is light down there somewhere. I promise.
The second thing I know actually came from the words of a song. "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers." I could probably write an entire book on how things didn't go according to my plan... but then ended up so much better than I had ever dared to hope.
And I think the third really important thing that I want to share has to do with courage. So many people have told me how "brave" I am.
How they admire my "courage."
Shhhh! I have an ugly little secret. I'm a coward. I fight for so many things in my life, not because I'm brave. Not because I have balls of steel. I fight because I'm afraid! The alternative of my situations have scared the crap out of me!!
You've heard of the "Fight or Flight Response?" I have a really strong fight reflex, apparently.
I've spent countless hours in my life, praying to God to help take this or that tradegedy away, so I can just crawl back to my comfort zone. Instead, per my 2nd lesson (above), God has his own plans.
I wasn't brave! I just didn't get a choice in the matter.
So. I am going to attempt to write a book. I know nothing of writing. But I do know my life. All I can do is pray that God helps me find the right words to help someone... anyone... to find their way out of their comfort zone and find the "courage" needed for their own situation.