Rainy Day

This is for my girlfriends from over the years:

Jannian, Dodie, Mocha, Nic, Sylvia, Tammy,
Andrea, Carolyn, and Jennifer...

I miss you.

Sometimes I get into a mood.
My friends get that.
I feel down.
I don't want to talk, or be social, or even associate with other people.
My friends bring me out of that shell.

It's not like I'm in a bad mood, because I will talk with people. I just don't feel like "sharing" or "listening."

So, it's raining outside. It's dark, dreary, and wet. Seems fitting for today's thoughts.

This mood has been creeping up on me for a couple of weeks now. Ever since I stopped working at Michael's, I guess. I feel like I have no purpose. Since I don't have my own place, I am pretty limited on things to do. Even though I feel completely comfortable with the people that I live with, and love their home, it still isn't mine. We are really trying hard to pay off bills and get Chuck's car running, so we don't do very much.

So, I go to work, go home, sit on my [growing] butt and watch TV.

This is my life.

What's the point?
There is no point.
I'm just saying... what is my goal? I go to work so I can pay bills... but I'm not able to enjoy any of the money! I understand that it's part of being an adult, but what about all those things we looked forward to when we were kids?

I couldn't wait to grow up! Now that I'm an adult, I'm not taking advantage of it properly.

For the first time in my life, I'm not surrounded by friends.
This is why I spend so much time on Facebook. I miss my people! My friends "get" me.
They know that I like to just vent. Once I do, then we can move on to the next subject.
They don't take me seriously, unless I need to be taken seriously.
They understand the difference.

So, back to feeling blue.
Don't get me wrong... I love Chuck's family. They are wonderful, and I couldn't ask to be surrounded by a more fun-loving, caring family.
But... it's his family. If Chuck is bugging me, I don't think it's good to vent to his sister!
I miss just sitting around, talking with the girls.
I miss doing "couples" things.
I miss my family.
I miss bbq's on the weekends, with kids running around.
I miss my kids.
I miss going places and doing things.

I've finally decided that I don't really care for Georgia. I've been here almost four years and have literally not made any close friends. Oh, I've met people. But everyone is so family oriented around here, that they won't let anyone new in. I don't have a friend that I can call on a Saturday afternoon, while Chuck is working on his car, and just say, "Hey, let's run out and have a drink." Chuck and I don't have another couple to go places with on a Saturday night. Never, in my adult life, have I ever NOT had someone to hang out with.

And, since we don't really do anything, I have no idea how we could possibly meet other people. It's sort of like dating. I'm not about to ask for some woman's phone number in the grocery store! lol.

Most of the friends I've had in the past were easy to meet. We just clicked. Why don't I "click" with Georgians??

So, here I am.
Work, TV, bed.
Work, TV, bed.
Work, TV, bed.
Really.
Some people are perfectly happy with that. I'm not. I'm discontented. It's nothing new, though. I've always been that way. I only get to live once, and every day that I live like this is a day wasted. It's lost and I can never get it back. My friends have always understood that, and were willing to go and do fun things with me.

Not here. There's really not much to do here.

I keep thinking I should get a hobby... but they all cost money. The better/more fun it is, the more it costs. That defeats the purpose, a bit, doesn't it? I'm trying to get out of debt here. Besides, I don't have a friend to do that hobby with! Why is this so hard??

I know it frustrates Chuck when I feel like this, but it's not his fault. It's not anybody's fault. I've got choices to make...

Live here, in GA, as an adult, paying off my bills...
...or sell off everything I own and spend the next 3 months backpacking through Europe!

Go to work at the gas company every day...
...or find a job that pays me to travel the world! (I've been working on this for a long time, to no avail.)

*sigh*
Guess I'll just put my head down and go to work, just like everyone else... and pay my bills... and be responsible...

But I don't have to like it...
...and I don't have to stop reaching for the stars!