Describe Yourself With One Word, Part 2

Me: I'm gonna write a blog on personalities. I have homework for you. If you could choose one word to describe yourself, what would it be, and why?

Her: I really don't know. I think strong or tough would be good. So many words come to mind... Loving. Everything I do in my life is for [her child]. I give up so much for love.

Me: Yes you do. You are an amazing mom! You are also a kind, giving, and loving friend! You bring out the best in me... I love that about you!

At the risk of spilling too much personal information about my friend, she is a wonderful mom, but carries some guilt about the fact that she's not always able to do everything for her child that she thinks she needs to do. I have seen her in action, and she does just as well as any of the rest of us! As parents, we all learn as we go. None of us dove into parenthood knowing all of the right answers! She is doing well, and her kiddo is beautiful, smart, and well taken care of.

So, from the psychological point of view that we discussed yesterday... I question if perhaps her subconscious mind was somehow trying to convince and reassure herself (or me) of her parenting skills. I already think she's a great Mom, but she questions herself. So, the one-word answer could have covered how she acts towards her friends, her parents, her siblings, her roommate, etc., but when asked to define how she is loving, the answer went down to her child. I found that interesting.

Was it a parental knee-jerk response, or was it something else?

If I were to describe my friend with one word, I would choose "Worldly." She was begging me to tell her what the word was, but I refused because the word by itself may sound negative. I don't mean it in a bad way at all! In fact, I mean it as she has done a lot of things, been a lot of places, gone through a lot of really difficult issues... is 5 years younger than I am... and still manages to be a very caring, loving person. She gives people a chance, but she is no fool. She is nearly as perceptive as the person I talked about yesterday, but manages to keep her opinions to herself. She's "Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, then sold it in a yard sale!" Yet she still cares and tries to let people in.

I think it is interesting that two very different people can each have a lifetime of difficulties, and yet walk away with completely different attitudes. I am guarded and constantly waiting for the other shoe to fall. She is the very opposite! She cares, she opens herself up, and she loves until that person proves her wrong.

I can't help but wonder if these differences have anything to do with birth order. If you Google that sort of thing, there are varied opinions on the subject. Some scientists claim that birth order can help shape an individuals' personality. I tend to think that it does make some sort of a difference. Below, I've pasted some snippets from an article I found on the subject...


Personality Traits Linked to Birth Order

- Clearly, firstborns are natural leaders. They also tend to be reliable, conscientious and perfectionists who don't like surprises. Although, firstborns are typically aggressive, many are also compliant people pleasers. They are model children who have a strong need for approval from anyone in charge.

- Middle children may not feel they have a special place in the family so friends and peer groups become much more important. They can usually read people well, they are peacemakers who see all sides of a situation, they are independent and inventive.

- Babies of the family are social and outgoing, they are the most financially irresponsible of all birth orders. They just want to have a good time. These kids love the limelight. While lastborns may be charming, they also have the potential to be manipulative.

With all of that being said, I'll use myself as the example first. I was the baby in my household, and I was a pain as a teenager, always getting into trouble. I am very social and I do love to have fun. I enjoy being in the limelight with my friends, but not around strangers. I have serious stage fright! Finally, I disagree about being financially irresponsible. I have a lot of bills from my divorce, and everything gets paid immediately after payday, before any money is spent on "fun stuff."

Now, my friend is more complicated. She was born as the oldest/only child, but then later became a middle child through remarriage. So, I believe she has a slight combination of both personalities... As the oldest child, she is reliable and slightly OCD about her stuff, and I believe she might have a tendancy to want approval from some of the other people in her life. As a middle child, she has very close relationships with her friends, and she does try to remain the peacemaker whenever possible.

In retrospect, I would have to say that her word, "Loving," is the most suitable for her. I believe she hit the nail on the head with that one. She has just as many reasons as anyone to be bitter or negative about life... and yet she prevails and her smile and amazing sense of humor just shine through instead. Perhaps she could teach me a lesson or two in opening up and letting people in!

Describe Yourself With One Word

I have a wonderful uncle that has his Doctorate in Psychology... When I was going to college, I discussed with him my choices in majors and so on. I finally settled on a minor in Psychology because people in general fascinate me. I was itching to learn more about what made them "tick."

Towards the end of our conversation, he says to me,

"Those that are the most interested in psychology are the

ones that need it the most."

Well, I can't argue with that logic... he may be on to something there...!!!

So, I was talking to a friend today, and we were discussing some things that are currently going on in my life. My response was that it was no big deal; I am a resilient person. His first language is not English, so he asked me to explain:

re·sil·ient adj.

1. Marked by the ability to recover readily, as from misfortune.

2. Capable of returning to an original shape or position, as after having been compressed.

As our conversation continued, I got to thinking about that word. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that if I needed to pick just one word to describe myself, that had to be it. I could choose something like "survivor," but it’s so cliché. Besides, I don't feel that really fits all of me, the way resilient does.

I've had some difficult things happen (as we all have), and I always make it through, no matter what. This is what has made me who I am today... stubborn, guarded, but strong and still having hope in my future. I will not be broken. At the end of the day, I can turn my face to the sun, kick off my shoes and still honestly say, "Life is indeed good."

So, I asked my friend what word he would use to describe himself. He said, "Alive." He said that he is not only enjoying his life, but he learns from everything that has happened around him. "Living is my school and being alive is my pleasure."

I liked that description because he is the type to "enjoy the moment." That is one of my favorite things about him! Then he asked what I would have chosen for him. I responded with Perceptive or Insightful. This is what gets him through life!

If I were to compare our personalities, I would say that his perception is what helps him. He has an idea of how people will react before they do. He is very good at reading personalities. If we were playing football, he would be on the offensive team, while my resilience puts me on the defensive team. I don't have the same instinct. Instead, I block, and then pick up the pieces after things don't go according to my plan.

We are both thinkers and planners, but in different ways. Because of our different outlooks, he might only need a "Plan B," but because of my own life's experiences, I would have "Plans B, C, and D." We both have the ability to look to the future and see what we want, and develop a plan for a specific outcome, but we do it in very different ways.

Now, this is where the psychology part came in. After that conversation, my gears were still turning (big surprise!), so I asked the same question to several other friends. One of the things that I came up with was that I feel that the word the person uses to describe them self tells you how they see themselves, but it also says a lot about how they want others to see them.

For example, people that know me well, know that I can be soft and mushy on the inside, but I very rarely let it show. I have to let my guard down, and I feel like I'm exposing my inner workings to the world. That is something that I am unbelievably uncomfortable with! I don't even hug people unless I really know them! I have my "bubble" and very few people are allowed in it. I am not ashamed to admit that I have walls... but they are there because of some things that have happened in my past. Sometimes things don't go as expected in life, and after a lifetime of this, I eventually realized that the alternative isn't always a bad thing. It's taught me a lot and I wouldn't be right here right now if things had not gone the way they did!

So, my word... Resilient... means exactly what it means... I feel that it describes me very well. I've gotten through things that were a very big deal to me, and I am a stronger, wiser person because of it. I also feel that I chose that word as a means of portraying my "ability to overcome" to the listener. I want people to portray me as a strong person... maybe because on the inside, I question my own strength on a regular basis. If the rest of the world views me one way, it supports me when I am feeling less inclined to see it in myself.

So, all of this begs the final question... What made my friend choose the word "Alive" for his own self assessment? From my angle, he is more of a planner than a live-in-the-moment type. He never begins anything without having an idea of possible outcomes. I have another friend (that I will talk about on a different day) that I believe is more suited to the "Alive" description than this person is. So, in saying that to me, was he trying to either consciously or subconsciously portray a message? Trying to force me into believing he is more lighthearted and carefree than how I viewed him before? I don't have the answers, but I do think that there is more to it than just what we see at face value.