Walking through work, people are so kind. They extend a heartfelt, "How are you doing?" Implying, how am I since I lost my dog.
My response... smile and say, "I am doing ok. Thank you for asking."
Inside my head, though, all I can do is scream,
"NO, I AM NOT OK! I AM SAD AND LOST AND LONELY AND I FEEL ABANDONED!!"
But nobody wants to hear that...
I alternate between missing him and being angry that he left me. Then, I feel bad for being mad at him, because I know he never would leave me on purpose...
My emotions are out of control. I feel like I will never be happy again. I am ok one second, then angry the next, then crying after that! By the time I go through all of these emotions, people don't want to be anywhere near me.... and I can't blame them. I don't want to be near myself!!
I just want to be able to come to terms with this loss, and look at all the great memories I have that everyone keeps reminding me of. But I'm trapped.
I don't know how long it will take, and I wish people understood that... instead of just expecting me to be ok.
I am so sorry, B. Losing a pet is a very difficult tragedy to deal with.
ReplyDeleteI had to put my dog to sleep just a year and a half ago. I was devastated the days prior to the day I would finally take her to the vet. I cried, I bawled. It is/was not easy. I would tell you it fades with time, but that's only part of it. I still tear up when I really think deeply about it, and about how much I loved my Hannah dog. Don't be afraid to cry, to hurt, or to express your emotions to people. You might be surprised where you might find comfort.
Here's a link to a blog post I wrote just after she died. I hope it is something that might offer you some comfort.
http://christiancognition.blogspot.com/search?q=hannah