Finding Myself

Have you ever just stopped everything and looked around?

I don't mean that you look at the things inside the room that you're in. I mean, actually take inventory of your life. Sometimes, you just have to consider what is happening, and make any necessary adjustments. "Tweak" your situation, if you will.

Recently, I've come to one of those places in my life. I've had a problem with being "happy" lately. I refuse to consider that I might be depressed, and I do not want to go on any medication for this. That was how I dealt with my life when I was married. I'm done with that approach.

So, I've decided to make changes, and FIND my happiness....

I started this blog, because I was moving out of the traditional home, rent, utilities, etc. lifestyle, and working to catch up on the bills in my life. This all seemed like a good idea, had I been able to do things my way. The problem is that when you're in a relationship, you make compromises with the one you love. He did not want to live in a tent... so we ended up living with his sister. I'm unhappy about this situation, because now we're not paying bills, and she has more. How is that right? So, I tried it for about 2 1/2 months, and it still is not sitting well with me.

I'm moving out.

Chuck and I moved in together shortly after we had met, because we were able to financially support each other. We both acknowledged that it was way too early in our relationship for such a move... however, it turned out great for us! We get along wonderfully, and we're the best of friends. Four years later, we still laugh at the same stuff, enjoy the same movies, and so on....

*But*

When we met, it was right after both of us got out of long-term relationships... and we never got our "me" time before moving in with each other. I need that time. I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark and say that he probably does, too.

Now, nobody panic... Chuck and I are NOT breaking up. If anything, my planning this move has made us even closer, because I've discussed my feelings and thoughts with him, and he understands where I am coming from. How could I not love him for being so kind and understanding… and SUPPORTIVE!

So, Ashleigh and I are moving into an apartment together, and Chuck and I will “date” like we should have to start with. It’s going to be really tough, with my paying child support and Ash not having a hugely well-paying job… but we can do this. Besides, I know that if I ever really do need help, I can ask for it. I have a lot of friends that are willing to be there for me.

So, it’s not the adventure that I wanted when I started writing this blog, but it is a new chapter in my life. I will be going back to “Minimum Payment Hell” but maybe it will give me the opportunity to sit back and remember who Brenda is... And then, when Chuck and I do decide to move back in with each other, it won’t be for financial reasons, and our relationship can be stronger because we’re both happy with ourselves first.

12-Step Program

I was talking to a friend the other day, and he asked me how life was going lately. I made the offhand remark of, "One day at a time."

He laughed in agreement, and said, "Life is like an AA meeting. You can only take one step at a time."

His comment got me to thinking about how there are steps for everything, and I began to wonder what steps I could take to improve my own life. Of course, when you google anything about taking steps, the first things you will find are The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, The 7 Stages of Grief, and Amazon.com selling any book & workbook ever created about self-improvement, step-by-step.

But, since I have very shallow pockets (and refuse to spend money on a self-improvement book), then I continued to dig deeper, and see what kind of free help I could find. Here's one that seemed interesting:

Life Coaching: Achieve Any goal With This 3-Step Process
1. Make sure you want it.
2. Make sure you know why you want it.
3. Make sure those closest to you know why you want it.

These seem like three very obvious steps, and I understand that the idea behind the questions is to get me really thinking about my own life (as if I need a list of questions to get me to do that!!). Maybe I haven't actually sat down and addressed each answer head-on in this way. Perhaps, if I consider each of these steps, I might have a more definitive idea of which direction my life is going.

*side note* Perhaps I should compile my own list and sell that through Amazon.com... that would solve a LOT of my problems!

Ok. Filing that one for future reference.

I did find something that may be imediately helpful... The situation that I find myself in lately has had me feeling down, and I'm not a huge fan of anti-depression medication. I've been on it before, and it's not something I want to do for the rest of my life, so I prefer alternative measures, but I've been neglecting myself lately. It's time I stopped doing that... so...

6 Steps for Beating Depression 

1. Omega-3 Fatty Acids - eat more fish (take a vitamin)

2. Engaged Activity - have conversations with people; keep the brain active (I'm alone in my office most of the day, and sit at the computer/watch TV at night)

3. Physical Exercise - start walking/running again

4. Sunlight Exposure - I do need more sunshine

5. Social Support - get in touch with friends and family more often (dial the phone!!)

6. Sleep - get plenty of rest (this one, I already do!)

Well, after all that research, I've decided to start my self-improvement with the 6 Steps for Beating Depression, but I'm also going to really address the questions under the 3-step process of Achieving Any Goal.... I already spend a lot of time thinking about my life, but I think it may help if I put it into a more organized perspective. It won't fix my problems, but maybe it will help me tackle them more easily. More to come!