No Words

I picked up my 10 year old from her grandmother's last night, and she will be spending 2 weeks with me before going back to her dad's in Florida.

I wanted to do a post about how much I love her, how much I wish she lived here with me, the injustice of it all, and so on... but honestly? Just thinking about it has had me literally bawling my eyes out for the past 20 minutes. I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I love her so much, and I'm so excited and happy to have her here, sleeping 10 feet away... and yet I can't stop crying.

I've only see her 2 other times this year. Because money has been so tight, I literally could not afford to drive down and see her very often, and she keeps growing! All I can think about is the time that I'm missing. I'm her mother, she should be with me. And now he's remarried and she calls her step-mom "Mom." Why does life have to be so cruel? Who in the heavens did I piss off to get such a wonderful, beautiful child, and then to have her dangled from arm's reach... Only to see her once every few months?

The crying won't stop, and I don't want her to wake up and see me, so I'll end this. I planned on something much more articulate for today, but I just don't have the words.