I Believe in Spirit

So many emotions... I have no idea where to begin. I'm really not sure how to convey clearly the depth of what I felt today. I guess I'll just start writing and hopefully it will flow.

Within the past couple of years, I have lost three dear friends, all before what I felt was their "time." This experience is mainly about two of those friends.

Keith left some unanswered questions with his passing. As far as I knew he wasn't sick, and seemed to be "fine" whenever we spoke.

Tom had a heart attack in his car and passed before impact. He had had a quad-bipass a few years before, and would joke with me about how him and I had "cheated death."

Shawn passed two weeks after finding out that he had cancer. Barely enough time for good byes.

Now these guys didn't know eachother. In fact, their only common factors were me, and the Navy. But they touched me in one way or another and have left lasting impressions.

Now I am not deeply religious, but I do believe in a Higher Power and in Spirit. I know there is something big that guides me in directions when I feel lost. Something guided me to Jon when I needed him the most, and he needed me. We know that we could have met sooner, because we had several common friends over the years... but we never met until the moment was just right for both of us. Something bigger than us guided us in that direction.

I have always felt it.

So back to my friends. Every time I think of any one of the three of them, the other two automatically come to mind. Although they didn't know eachother in life, I can't  help but believe that they are upstairs, watching over their loved ones, guiding us... and enjoying a beer together once in a while.

Now all three of them had family and friends that they were closer to than they were to me, so I don't for a second flatter myself into thinking that any of them spend their time keeping an eye just on me... but I do believe they visit.

Today, especially.

I didn't realize two things when I woke up this morning. When I figured it out, I rode on an emotional roller coaster that I can't  describe. I choked up when I tried to tell Jon... and then I cried all the way to work, while talking to "My guys" and thanking one in particular for this gift that I'm about to tell you about.

So this morning, like most mornings, I had the tv on, snuggled up next to Jon, coffee in one hand, scrolling through Facebook.... I came across Tom's wife's post. She said she was visiting him today, a year later.

Had it been a year? It seems like we just lost him.

I look at my calendar, and sure enough.... it had been a whole year.

I paused to think about the grandson that he has never met. I thought about how his wife is coping with his loss. I reflected on what a kind, caring person he was. The type that would jump to help a friend, no matter the time or the reason.

He is truely missed.

And, of course, because I was thinking of Tom, my other two guys also came into my forethought.

As I wondered how Keith's little girl is doing, I typed his name in my Facebook to go to his page and leave a quick note.... when I got there and was thinking on what to say to express my feelings for the day, I saw a Happy Birthday post. My first thought was, "I wonder how old that post is." I look at the date and it was today!!

I had no idea that Tom had passed on Keith's birthday! And as I have said, they didn't know eachother... And most people would write it all off as a random coincidence. I think the dates are... but me finding out on the 1-year anniversary of Tom's passing was a gift from Tom. It was a reminder from Tom, not of his passing, but of another friend's birthday.

I would never have even known otherwise.

Maybe it sounds crazy, but I believe that Tom's spirit knows that I have had some difficulty putting my mind right about Keith's passing. Being the kind, warm hearted person that he is, I know in my heart that he guided Belinda to make that post, leading to the chain of events, causing me to find out about Keith's birthday.

Somehow, I feel like Tom is saying that I shouldn't continue carrying the burden of "How" with Keith, and just be thankful to have known him. It was subtle, but I know somehow that it was Tom wrapping his arms around me, giving me permission to stop grieving and to know that they are all in a better place.

Maybe I'm rambling at this point. Maybe I'm not making sense, or this sounds crazy to you. Maybe it sounds like I'm reaching for just anything. Whatever it may seem like to someone else isn't important, though.

What matters is that deep down in my heart, these guys are missed by me. I believe that they visit to check up on me every now and then. And I know that today, Tom showed me that he was checking on not just me, but also Keith... and he found a way to let me know that he is doing just fine.

People Can Surprise You

I love how people can surprise you sometimes. 

I generally DO NOT discuss politics or religion. I have my opinions, you have yours. That is good enough for me.

But, I just had a nice chat with someone about higher powers, the energy of the universe, karma, and just how that when you look back on your life, you can see so many signals that "Something" has aligned things in your life. 

This energy (whatever it may be) has been putting you exactly where you are now... and you realize that even the devastating things like cancer, divorce, loss of a job, etc., almost seem to have a purpose in the bigger picture. Even if you don't believe in God, or the Bible, it really is hard to not believe that there is some sort of energy helping us along throughout our lives.

I could go into detail and use my own life as an example, but I really feel that everyone has their own experiences that they can relate to this. 

*Disclaimer... not trying to start a religious debate here. If you can't be kind, please don't post. Thanks!

Social Networking Etiquette

The night before last, I re-posted a picture that I saw on Facebook. I felt it was motivational, which was what prompted me to put it on my wall. I am not a highly political person, but anyone that is familiar with my personal situation (former military, currently unemployed) would have known immediately that I didn't agree 100% with what the picture said. I posted it purely out of motivational purposes.

The next morning, I was on FB, and checked my page... I had a whole string of 4 different people arguing about the politics that this person's photo brought up. Now, I've had my posts "hijacked" before, and I generally don't mind as long as it is a friendly conversation, or even a lighthearted debate... BUT, I do have a problem when the very first line that one of the people posted included all capital letters, a cuss word, and several exclamation points.

Now I'm offended.
I deleted the entire post from my wall.

Unfortunately, with the new way that FB has set up the Home Page, the people that were part of the "discussion" can still post on it, and were continuing to do so for another hour after it was deleted. I was less concerned at that point because it was no longer on my page.

But I feel that it got even "better." After I deleted the page, the person that was kind enough to begin the debate with the expletive, messaged me with an "apology" that went along the lines of "... the majority of my Facebook friends are very conservative and I get bombarded with stuff like that all the time, it can be tough to keep quiet when your beliefs are routinely discounted in public. Nothing personal, I'll refrain from further rants..."

First off, if I put it on MY OWN page, how am I bombarding HIM???

In any case, I don't personally feel that was an appropriate reason to blast on my page, but I was courteous and replied with a "Thank you." I also made comment that I have no problem about people and their opinions, but I prefer to keep my Facebook page drama-free.

He also added a public apology on the string of comments under the picture, as did someone else... So, I just figured it was over with and moved on with my day.

Then, later, I receive another message from him... "So out of curiosity, do you feel that if someone posts an opinionated picture or rant on their page that they are inviting feedback, both positive and negative? Or is it only appropriate to reply if you agree? I guess that's why there is no unlike button, Facebook just wants everyone to get along (or at least pretend.)."

That was the last straw.
Can't just let it be?

I'll admit that this is where I lost my politeness. I do think that people can have a polite debate about subjects... but once they become rude (and using cuss words constitutes "rude") then that is too much. I have deleted comments from my own close family members from my page before because I felt they were being inappropriate.

So, in response, I mentioned something about how I would never have ranted on his page, and that if he didn't agree with FB's lack of an unlike button, then he isn't being forced to stay, and finally, I said something about hitting "Share" and posting on his own wall. By the time I had hit "send," I was past the point of being courteous, but I no longer cared. I felt he was just trying to egg me on, and frankly, I was tired of it. Never once did he even ask me WHY I posted the picture, or what MY feelings on the subject were.

This is the way I see it... I'm entitled to my opinion on my OWN wall. To be honest, I wouldn't dream of going to his or anyone else's wall and starting crap. I feel that if he had a real problem with that picture, then he should have hit "Share" and put it on his own wall, followed my his rant. When I see things on someone else's page that I don't agree with, I just move on. I'm not in any way compelled to blast that person on a public forum. At the very most, I might decide to just message that person (although I've never done that, either).

Facebook is being inundated right now with copy/paste comments about "Taking the Christ out of Christmas by being 'forced' to say Happy Holidays instead." I have my own personal opinions on that... and they are very strong opinions, but I still wouldn't dream of going on someone else's page and starting an argument over it. How is this different? I can't help but think that if I were to post something regarding my religion on my own page, he wouldn't even consider blasting me for it. Why does he feel that it is appropriate to do the same thing regarding my political preferences?

In any case, I guess neither of us are right, and neither of us are really wrong. He was standing up for what he believed in. Good for him. I think he went about it the wrong way. When I see something that I don't agree with, I just move on. I can accept that a person is allowed their own opinions and they aren't forcing them on me in any way by putting them on their own wall. That doesn't make me right. It just makes me a different person.

So, finally, in the spirit of Social Networking Etiquette, I believe that we should listen to Thumper's Mother, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."