Say Something Nice

Apparently, I have a lot on my mind today. I don't post anything for two weeks, and here I am for the second time in one day...

So here's what's been on my mind.

As many of you know, my ex and I have a VERY strained relationship, to say the least. We can't agree on anything at all. It's a very ugly mess... to the point that we refuse to discuss anything on the phone anymore. It all has to be either via text or e-mail. I left him because I was tired of arguing, and now refuse to do any more of that with him.

Well, because of our strained relationship, every time I request even the simplest thing from him regarding our children, I am almost always running into a brick wall. Compromise isn't even an option. It's incredibly frustrating, and I still can't wrap my head around his hatefulness, even after four years.

Dealing with this situation in such a way for so long has put me into the mindset of absolute dread any time I need to work something out with him.

So, he left on deployment last week with the military, leaving our younger daughter with his current wife. I completely disagree with the situation. Not because she isn't good for the job, but because Carley should be with ME. Someone else should not be raising her when her own mother is willing and able to do it.

Regardless, I really haven't had any issues with this woman, but because I have had so many difficult situations regarding anything with my children ever since the divorce, I just naturally assumed that she would be difficult to deal with as well. Almost like Tim had intentionally "coached" her on how to react to any type of request coming from me. None of this is true... It's just an example of where my head is in all of this.

So, I had to send her a text yesterday, regarding changing the dates on when I can pick up and drop off Carley during the holidays. We were texting along, and then when it was time to get either a "yes" or "no" answer, she just stopped.

Sadly, I reacted badly.
Not one of my better moments, but at least I didn't blast her with some ugly text!
I just had ugly thoughts.

I just assumed that she was acting like Tim. He would make me dwell on it for a while, waiting a week or more to acknowledge my request, and then give me a "No" along with twisting it into a list of things that makes me so selfish for even asking in the first place, and about how I am the one that refuses to compromise on anything... and so on.

Because my brain has been hard-wired to reacting to this type of thing for the past several years, my mind automatically went into the negative when she didn't reply right away. Eventually, later on in the day, she agreed to my request without being difficult or snotty, or anything! She simply stated that she had gotten busy at work, and wasn't able to reply right away.

I was so relieved that I literally felt guilty for having the negative thoughts.

I don't think her and I will ever become "friends," but I've said it before... I do think that if I am not allowed to look after my daughter, I believe she is good for the job. Hopefully, she will be able to see Carley's best interest in things, which is what is actually important.